What’s the difference between depression and burnout?

 

 

The difference between depression and burnout is not always easy to see. There are even certain diagnosis tools which do not differentiate between them and therefore not see burnout as a separate disorder. If we were to compare burnout to other mental disorders, it is most similar to depression. Therefore, the difference between depression and burnout is not always evident.

What do the psychiatrists say?

Even though diagnosis tools do not consider burnout to be a separate disease, psychiatrists do state that burnout is a separate disease. Burnout is generally defined as an extreme exhaustion after the body and mind have been exhausted and pushed too far, according to them.

Is it therefore easy to differentiate between depression and burnout? Definitely not. Depression and burnout namely are very similar to each other and are often seen together, too.

Difference between depression and burnout: the symptoms

Depression and burnout are very similar to each other. Here, there are symptoms which match the both of them. The following examples are among them:

  • Concentration issues
  • Memory issues
  • Sleeping issues
  • Exhausted feeling

The symptoms above apply to both depression and burnout. If psychiatrists then want to set a diagnosis, they will often notice that the same tests can be used for both the diagnosis. The results, which are then found in the tests, can thus point at both depression and burnout.

So you see that it is really difficult to define the difference between depression and burnout. In the following paragraph we will give clear differences, so that you get a clearer picture of the symptoms.

The clear difference between depression and burnout

The first difference between depression and burnout is that depression is more general. Depression will namely affect several parts in life and can also develop from different parts in life, such as:

  • Your family
  • Your friends
  • Your hobbies

Burnout is generally work related. Of course the stress which you experience at work can affect your relationship, but in depression this is often more clearly seen. Furthermore, a burnout tends to develop from a work situation, while depression can develop in a more general way. A burnout can eventually also influence other parts of life, like a depression, but this is more likely to occur in a later stage. (Iacovides, Fountoulakis, Kaprinis & Kaprinis, 2003). Depression on the other hand, can have a quick and large influence on several parts of life, while burnout will limit itself to work for a longer period of time.

Difference between depression and burnout: occurring together?

Depression and burnout can also occur together. It is not unlikely that a severe burnout can also cause depression symptoms.




THE POWER OF MANIFESTING – HOW TO CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT

Many people believe that thoughts can have an influence on life. When they wish for something – be it a material or a spiritual wish – they often see the reason for the fulfilment of these wishes in manifestation. Manifestating stands for thought and belief processes through which we manifest things into our lives, possibly even unconsciously.

HOW EXACTLY DOES MANIFESTING WORK?

Manifestations are based on the law of attraction. The law states that what resembles each other attracts each other. Thoughts should therefore realise themselves. You can understand this law of attraction in such a way that when you begin to remember and perceive the evidence of it more and more clearly in your surroundings, you can recognise that your own thoughts correspond exactly to what has become your experience. In this way it should be possible to create one’s own reality and to wish for more and more things. As long as we firmly believe this, we may be able to influence our whole life.

The process of manifesting has not been scientifically proven, but many people believe in its effectiveness and report things they have wished for that have actually come true.

There are various techniques to help you do this: You have to believe that you deserve the things you want, that they can become reality and that this happens through the right thoughts, which you have to repeat over and over again. So it all starts with an idea or a wish. This wish is then talked about more, shared with others and thought about more. Eventually it should be realised.

 

METHODS OF MANIFESTING

There are various methods of manifesting: for example, you can present your wishes in the form of pictures and motivating sayings on a so-called “vision board” to support your own power of thought through visualisation. You can also keep a diary and describe your life as you would like it to be. You should write as if the desired life were already a reality. You can also write wish letters and ask the “universe” for help or use positive affirmations to increase the likelihood that your wishes will be fulfilled. Showing gratitude and living in the now play an important role in the process of manifesting.

According to hypnotherapist and mental coach Josef Kryenbuehl, the best time to manifest is just before going to sleep and just after waking up, as the subconscious is particularly receptive at these times. You should use sentences such as “I am sure that…” or “I have…” and then imagine the desired reality. You should also use sentences such as “That’s mine!” to make it clear that you already have what you want. Finally, it is particularly important to have a positive outlook on life and to be grateful in order to strengthen the process of manifesting even more. You should see, feel and live your wish.

If you want to strengthen the effect of manifesting even more, you can also work with the power of gemstones, perform full moon rituals, work with colours or meditate to find inner peace and make space for new things in your life.

 

THE INTERPLAY BETWEEN MANIFESTATION AND FAITH

Manifestation does not succeed without belief in it. Although it is possible to perceive when wishes have become reality, the manifestation process itself cannot be proven. Our thoughts play a large part in how our lives look, how we feel and what changes or new things are added. But can we make things happen purely with the power of our thoughts? If we believe that we are capable of doing so and that we are constantly manifesting new things, there is a greater chance that we will succeed. Because the attitudes we have, whether positive or negative, influence our lives. If someone is constantly thinking negatively, positive things are less likely to happen in their life.

MISTAKES WHEN MANIFESTING

You can make a lot of things really happen through manifestation, but it can also happen that the manifestation does not have the desired success. You can also make mistakes. If you want to ask for the realisation of a wish, you must pay attention to the correct wording. If you formulate something negatively, i.e. the way you do not want it, this negative can also become reality. If you lack patience and trust, the manifestation process cannot materialise in the desired way. In addition, negative thoughts weaken the potential to manifest thoughts. When manifesting, it is therefore very important to pay attention to the correct execution and to avoid any mistakes.

There are no limits to manifesting, but you should make sure that everyone involved in the wish benefits from it and that no one suffers as a result. You should not use your wish power to harm someone else or to make something bad happen, as this could backfire on you.

Manifestations are very powerful and can make a big difference in a person’s life. Of course, the belief in manifesting still plays a role. Even if the process of manifesting cannot be proven, it is still possible that we can shape reality with our thoughts, and those who firmly believe in it will also realise that their thoughts can turn into reality.




What is Ramadan and how to celebrate it

What is the holy month of Ramadan?

As the most important month in the Islamic calendar, Ramadan is a time of reflection and piety and marks the phase of the moon when the Prophet Mohammed received his first revelations. Ramadan is one of the five pillars of Islam. The other pillars are: the profession of faith (Shahada), daily prayer (Salah), support for the needy (Zakat) and the pilgrimage to Mecca (Hajj). Practising Muslims spend a lot of time in prayer and with their families during Ramadan.

When does Ramadan take place?

As Ramadan is based on the Islamic lunar calendar, its dates vary every year. In 2024, Ramadan will take place from 11 March to 9 April. The start of Ramadan is always announced when the crescent moon of the ninth month (in the traditional Islamic calendar) rises. The holy month of fasting lasts around 30 days – or until the next crescent moon is visible – and ends with the Eid al-Fitr holiday to mark the end of the fasting period.

How do Muslims practise Ramadan?

The heartbeat of the otherwise busy city slows down and people take time to reflect, recharge their batteries and develop personally. The holy month is celebrated differently in different countries. Everywhere, however, fasting between sunrise and sunset, regular prayer and actions motivated by charity and humility take centre stage. This creates an atmosphere of giving and compassion for the benefit of those less fortunate.

What are the most common greetings in Ramadan?

Keep in mind that Ramadan represents a time of spiritual reflection. Wishes such as “Happy holidays” should therefore be avoided. The most common greetings during this time are “Ramadan Kareem”, which can be translated as “Have a generous Ramadan”, and “Ramadan Mubarak”, which means “blessed Ramadan”.

What are Iftar and Suhoor?

As soon as the sun sets on a fasting day, it’s time to dine together in a convivial atmosphere. One of the best ways to celebrate this special month is to share a delicious iftar (after sunset) or suhoor (before sunrise) with your friends.

Fruit, sweetened cereals, yoghurt and puddings are the main ingredients of a suhoor just before sunrise. For iftar, which is served after sunset, various rice dishes and grilled meat dishes are served to energise the faithful after a long day of fasting.

 

Should I bring a gift if I am invited to an iftar or suhoor?

If you are invited to an iftar or suhoor meal, you should bring the hosts a token of your appreciation. This could be typical sweets, a selection of chocolates, a box of dates or a dessert. Decorations are also a good idea, for example a bouquet of flowers for your hosts’ home.

 




The Real Meaning of Easter

The best way to understand the real meaning of Easter would be from Jesus. The real meaning is a three word answer … the new covenant.

The New Covenant

Jesus had come in town for the Passover celebration and was getting ready to be betrayed by one of the disciples, publicly humiliated and mocked, beaten beyond recognition, and hung on a cross to die, when he made his special request for his followers to remember that He gave his body for us and poured out his blood as a sacrifice for us. The heart of Easter lies in his words, “the new covenant between God and his people.”

In Luke 22 we get a picture of the night before his death:

When the time came, Jesus and the apostles sat down together at the table. Jesus said, “I have been very eager to eat this Passover meal with you before my suffering begins. For I tell you now that I won’t eat this meal again until its meaning is fulfilled in the Kingdom of God.” Then he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. Then he said, “Take this and share it among yourselves. For I will not drink wine again until the Kingdom of God has come.” He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this to remember me.” After supper he took another cup of wine and said, “This cup is the new covenant between God and his people—an agreement confirmed with my blood, which is poured out as a sacrifice for you. Luke 22:14-20

Passover and the New Covenant

Since the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden, people were destined to be separated from God because of their sin. God’s Spirit rested on the Patriarchs of our faith, but was not poured out on the masses. The Holy of Holies was the innermost and most sacred part of the tablernacle and ordinary people of faith would never get to have access to this place where God’s Presence could be found. We were hopeless in our sins and distanced from God.

People of faith offered up animal sacrifices according to the laws given to Moses to ask God to forgive their sins and have mercy on them. Bulls, goats, and lambs each had their significance. But the lamb had special meaning because it was lamb’s blood the Israelites painted on their doorposts to avoid death on the night of Passover. (Exodus 12:11-13)

God gave Moses and Aaron specific instructions on how to honor God with annual Passover celebrations. Lamb is the pinnacle of the Passover meal. The lambs were to be spotless and even lived with the families for several days before they were sacrificed, adding to the understanding that the ultimate sacrifice was close to the hearts of those whose sins were atoned for. All of the many interesting details of celebrating Passover have significant meaning that point to the ultimate Passover lamb – Jesus Christ – a sinless God-man who lived among the people for a season.

What is the real meaning of Easter? In John 1:29, as he sees Jesus approaching, John the Baptist announces to the crowd around him, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

He knew that Jesus was the son of God, the long awaited Messiah, the one whom God’s prophets had promised to save mankind from their sins and to give them a deep heartfelt relationship with God the Father. The new covenant would be an everlasting covenant. (Jeremiah 31:31-34, Jeremiah 32:39-42, Isaiah 55:3) Jesus, our sacrificial lamb, our Savior, our God, our Redeemer – he laid down his life as our sacrificial lamb to pay for our sins. When he rose from the dead three days later, he gave victory over eternal separation from God (death) to all who put their faith and trust in him. That is the new covenant – everlasting life spent with God through faith in all that Jesus Christ has done and continues to do.

Bible Verses

All who believe in the Son of God know in their hearts that this testimony is true. Those who don’t believe this are actually calling God a liar because they don’t believe what God has testified about his Son. And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life. (1 John 5:10-12, NLT)

“Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures” (1 Corinthians 15:3b-4, KJV)

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9, NLT)

Prayer

Father God, there is sometimes controversy about how, when, and what to call the remembrance of the greatest day in history – the day Jesus Christ, your beloved son, rose from the dead and brought the gift of your forgiveness and eternal life to all who would like to receive it – the new covenant. Please pour out your Holy Spirit on all who believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and put us on our knees before you with thankful hearts for your great love for us. You, oh God, have given us victory over sin and death, and the promise of never leaving us or forsaking us for eternity. Help us to be the body of Christ, the church, united in awe of how you saved our unworthy souls … your body and your blood as a sacrifice for us. Help us to bring this message to all who will listen. Help us to love like you love. Thank you forever! Amen.




Still thinking about that ex? Here is how to let go!

Still thinking about that ex after six months?;
Or about that guy you had a ‘crush on’ but waited too long, ‘I should of said something!’; Or how can I trust again after my last bad relationship/s?

How do we deal with the memories that haunt us, taunt us and make us question ourselves; what is wrong with me? Humans have, and always will be, emotional beings. Everything we do in life is defined by how we feel about ourselves and the outside world. Sometimes that’s a positive, sometimes a negative. We can laugh at jokes told hours before, smile about the things we love when they aren’t around OR even hold onto grudges for a lifetime over one poorly chosen and ill-willed sentence.

The why is simple; we have evolved to learn from our experiences by attaching emotional connections to reinforce the ‘desired’ lesson. Just as every day you spend with a lover increases your connection; so too can time apart strengthen a negative attachment. In simplest terms when spoken to our children, ‘Do not touch the stove or you will get burned.’ Yet for all our good intentions; we all know that curiosity and the inevitable painful consequences will be learned. In this case, after many scream filled tears, the lesson that you should never touch a stove will last that child’s lifetime.

So Tim, How do we move on? Well… My first answer is always the question, ‘why do you want to move on?’

Every time you reflect on an old flame, memory or experience; that is your brain reminding you of potential consequences of lessons learned, positive and negative. It’s that simple. Remember, our brains, or more so, our subconscious is not the enemy. It isn’t trying to confuse, trick or manipulate us just for the sake of it. It is simply answering the question based on the information you have given it. This is you…

You: I’m bored and not fully focused on this task, please bring up a selection of thoughts based on emotional importance to reinforce existing learning.
Brainoogle: Are you sure about that?
You: Not really but let’s roll the dice; C’mon happy thoughts….
Brainoogle: Let’s see… searching… Current stimulus = At Work ADD Most frequent thought cross referenced with emotional potency REMOVE results older than one year…
Loading… Loading…
Brainoogle: Here is a vivid memory of the time you caught your boyfriend cheating on you with your co-worker. QUE Chemical release attached emotion – Anger leading to heart wrenching sadness.
You: Where is that BI*CH! I’ll kill her! She ruined my life! I have nothing left! I’m useless!
Brainoogle: RELEASE TEARS… and my job is done for the next 30 minutes… time for my smoke break.

Like and share if you can relate.. But joke aside, it is important to understand that although you can’t always control what you think, you CAN CONTROL how you interpret these thoughts. Using cognitive restructuring YOU are able to reprogram these conditioned responses BUT it takes time and continued effort. You cannot just break the memory/emotion neurological process over night. The more we think about any one topic, the stronger the bond gets. It’s that simple. The reason you can’t move on, is because you keep thinking about how you can’t move on. The stimuli is only relevant so long as you keep reinforcing that emotional bond.

So here is the answer; and I know It’s not as easy as just switching off the thought. You can’t just stop thinking about it, that’s impossible. Every where you go, you will be reminded of the connection, it’s inevitable. This is your brain actively learning and improving. A very necessary function to human life… Example, you see a movie; ‘this is where we used to date’ ect ect. Excluding serious brain trauma/concussion, you can’t just erase memories.

So what do we do; this all leads back to my first question… See what I did there… *wink*

Until you have decided what you truly want, and you yourself believe it, you will never be able to ‘let go’. In many cases, people can get back together, and they can live happily ever after, and sometimes people learn to forgive and have meaningful friendships, and so on. OR you may decide that

YOU WILL NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!!!

Decide on a goal, weighing up the pro’s and con’s, and decide once and for all what you want, then try your best to achieve it and with success or failure you will have closure. Anything else is only reinforcing unhealthy mind sets.

You need to change the emotional attachment through sheer unwavering repetition. Every time you have that thought/memory, you need to remind yourself that the future is better than the past. You will be happier in the future! You may not be ‘happy’ now, but you know you are working to make a better future. You need to re-wire any thought you had, and reconstruct it with a positive outlook. Thinking about your ex? ‘you’re better off without them’. REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT.

There is no easy fix, and your brain is trying to help you avoid the same mistakes. The amazing thing is; after you have deconstructed and remade that memory chain, these very same thoughts you’re having now, will actually bring you joy in the future. When you start the next amazing connection, it will only add to the richness and vigor of those memories and create a happier, better you.

 

 




What the Jewish Passover and the Christian Easter have in common

Not Christmas, but Easter is the highest festival of Christianity. But how is the date of Easter actually calculated? Why do the Jewish Passover and Easter take place at around the same time? And why exactly then does Orthodox Christendom always leave a common date for Easter? A stroll through the intricate history of the Easter calendar.

As “Christmas Christianity” the Munich Protestant theologian and journalist Matthias Morgenroth has aptly described how in Germany and other western secular countries “the current shape of the Christian religion is revealed”. But that for Protestants in truth Good Friday and for Catholics Easter Sunday is the highest church holiday – this rumour persists to this day. It is true that the Easter cycle beginning with Maundy Thursday is the real high point in the Christian festive circle.

Whether Danish (Påske), Turkish (Paskalya), French (Pâques), Italian (Pasqua), Dutch (Pasen) or Finnish (Pääsiäinen) – most European languages still carry the memory of the Jewish Passover or Passover celebration within them. The German “Easter” we probably have to owe to missionary Iro-Scottish monks. As in the English “Easter”, the word contains either an old Germanic word for dawn (which could be related to Eos, the Greek goddess) or the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess of light (“Ostara”).

Light symbolism, then, but nothing certain is known – just as it is not certain why Maundy Thursday is called what it is called. That its “green” is supposed to come from the Grienen or Greinen der Büßer is not very plausible, since the day had already been a day of church joy since the 4th century, on which the previously excommunicated were admitted to Communion again after repentance and forgiveness.

Crucifixion on a holiday?

If the roots of Easter lie in the feast of Passover – why do Christians and Jews rarely celebrate at the same time? Rarely is it the case that – as was last seen in 2019 – the eve of Passover (the 14th Nisan or Erew Passover) coincides with Good Friday – just as the evangelist John describes it.

Pesach reminds of the Exodus from Egypt, the liberation of Israel from Egyptian slavery. After the biblical institution (Exodus 12, 1-27), the feast is celebrated in the Jewish spring month of Nisan, which in biblical times was considered the first month of the year. Today, the Jewish year begins in autumn with the Tishri (always 163 days after the first day of the Passover feast), because this is the month in which mankind was created, according to Jewish understanding: Almost parallel to Easter 2020, Jews celebrate the Passover in the year 5780 after the creation of the world. On April 8th (14th Nisan) the feast days begin with the “Erew Pessach”, the eve of the Pessach, and the traditional Seder meal, which is celebrated in the family.

Unlike our solar calendar, in which the months are only a vague reminder of the lunar cycles, the Jewish calendar as a “lunisolar calendar” (or “bound lunar calendar”) follows the lunar months very precisely. At the same time, it also follows the seasons, i.e. the solar year.

Because twelve lunar months correspond on average to only 354.37 days, but a solar year lasts 365.24 days on average, the Jewish calendar must regularly insert leap months so that the seasons and the months assigned to them do not fall apart. For when spring begins depends on the sun, which on a day between March 19 and 21 shines for as long as it is night. This equinox marks the beginning of spring.

This also makes it clear that the spring full moon – and thus Passover – can fall on any day of the week. At the Council of Nicaea in the year 325, however, Christianity decided on a dispute about the date of Easter that has been going on since the time of the Original Christians, and determined that Easter is to be celebrated on a Sunday.
Graphic overview of the date of Easter in John and the Synoptics (Matthew, Mark, Luke).

Crucifixion on a major Jewish holiday? The evangelists present the date of Jesus’ crucifixion in different ways. However, the gospels agree on the weekdays of Easter: crucifixion on the day before the Sabbath (“Friday”), burial rest on the Sabbath, resurrection on the following day (“Sunday”). How the evangelist John dates the Easter event is considered historically more likely. The 14th Nisan (or Erew Pessach) and Good Friday fell on a common date last in the year 2019.

The tradition of the Gospel writings about the exact date of Jesus’ death is contradictory. The synoptists – the evangelists Matthew, Mark and Luke – understand the Lord’s Supper as a ritual banquet on the eve of Pesach – that is, on the 14th of Nisan. The crucifixion would accordingly have taken place on the afternoon of the main Jewish holiday of Passover (15 Nisan) – which is regarded as rather improbable.

More plausible are the statements of John, who drops the Passover feast in the year of Jesus’ death on a Sabbath. Thus the last meal of Jesus with his disciples would not have been a Pessach-Sedermahl, but an execution could have taken place the day before the feast. Modern historians therefore favor the statements of John.

Passover: From Computus to Computer

Actually, since Nicaea, it seems quite simple to determine the date of Easter: It is simply the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox. However, if you want to calculate the date of Easter in advance, there are highly complex difficulties – at least without a computer. Before mathematics became a free science, in the Middle Ages it worked almost exclusively on the “Computus paschalis”, the calculation of the date of Easter. It was only in 1800 that the mathematical genius Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855) succeeded in packing the problem into a complex but clear set of algebraic formulae.

Strictly speaking, these are two different sets of formulas that Gauss had to develop. For as if the matter was not already difficult enough, since the calendar reform of Pope Gregory there have been two different Easter dates in Christendom, because the Orthodox churches (except in Finland) used the Julian calendar to calculate the date of Easter. The Orthodox churches refer to the Jewish Passover in their determination of dates – but in a negative way, as the Council of Nicaea wanted it: Easter must always take place after the Jewish Passover.

Like the Latin churches of the West, to celebrate Easter exactly when the Jews also celebrate Passover (as was the case this year) – this is therefore out of the question in the Orthodox churches. In extreme cases, therefore, it may even be that the Orthodox celebrate five weeks later than the churches of the West. Joint Easter dates like in 2017 are possible, but the exception.

A new Council that would help to establish a common date for Easter for all of Christendom is not in sight. In 2020 the Orthodox will celebrate in the week after us – when the Jewish Passover period is already over.

 

Passover




These are the women in science to watch out for in India today

Science is not just a field for men anymore. Here are some significant female scientists from India, we all should watch out for.

 

Gagandeep Kang
Executive director, Translational Health Service and Technology Institute (THSTI), Faridabad

Kang is a public health expert who played a crucial role in understanding neglected tropical diseases and the development of the rotavirus vaccine. Rotavirus is a virus that causes gut and intestinal disorders among children such as inflammation, diarrhoea, dehydration, and gastroenteritis among others. Kang’s works focuses on improving the health of children in India. She was also the first Indian woman scientist to join London’s Royal Society.

Kusala Rajendran
Seismologist, Indian Institute of Science (IISc), Bengaluru

Much of what we know about earthquakes in India today is thanks to Rajendran’s work. Rajendran has braved political tensions to reach the sites of all of India’s big quakes in recent times, such as what she faced from the Border Security Force when she landed up at the site of the 2001 Kutch earthquake. She once used indigenous knowledge to date an ancient tsunami that occurred in Tamil Nadu 1,000 years ago. Rajendran was awarded India’s first ever ‘National Award for Woman Scientist’ award in 2018.

 




How dating apps want to keep us all swiping

Tinder is telling users that just because they are isolating physically, that doesn’t mean they have to stay home alone with their hoarded instant noodles. Instead, Tinder wants you to seek “solidarity matches” across the planet, a paid function that is now free of charge during the pandemic.

Tinder’s “passport” feature allows users to connect with anyone anywhere. “They can check in on folks in their hometown, college town, or sister city, and find those across the world who are going through similar things,” the company says.

The feature is available for free to all members , Tinder said, despite usually being reserved for premium users.

OkCupid is also encouraging its users to change their preferences to “anywhere” to help them meet up with singles in their country or around the world during this social distancing period, a company representative told dpa.

Bumble, a women’s dating app developed in Berlin, meanwhile suggests users chat in the app for longer than usual, rather than linking up right away offline.

“Right now, we’re committed to powering safe & equal *virtual* connections. That means staying safe — and, as much as possible, staying home (video chat is our new best friend!),” Bumble told its users.

Dating apps have also begun to issue more health guidance, too, and Tinder told dpa that it has been asking members to follow the recommendations of the World Health Organization.

“While we want you to continue having fun, protecting yourself from the coronavirus is more important,” the site told in-app users, according to a report in TMZ, a digital news site. Tinder users should practice social distancing, carry hand sanitiser and wash their hands frequently, Tinder says.

The dating app providers say their efforts are working. “In this challenging time, we see Tinder members finding new ways to connect. As an area becomes more affected by physically-isolating measures, we see new conversations happening there and those conversations last longer,” the company said in a statement.

“This epidemic is also changing the tenor of connection in the hardest hit places. More people are using Tinder bios to show their concern for others (‘how is everyone’) instead of their life motto,” Tinder added.

OkCupid’s chief executive Ariel Charytan said the company had noticed that activity had increased enormously using the app as people still wanted to meet and exchange, even if they couldn’t do so in person.

The platform is now sharing ideas for digital dating with its users, suggesting they meet for virtual drinks and dinners, play games or chat online.

And Maria Sullivan, vice president of Dating.com, found that 82% of the site’s singles turned to online dating during the coronavirus outbreak, according to a story in Bustle, a web site for women.

 

Other stories on its site advised users on how to hook up during Zoom meetings, for example, or the ins and outs of a digital one-night stand.

 

Has the virus taken love online at least for the time being? The hashtag #quarantineandchill trending on Twitter suggests it has, as users post songs, selfies and images of what they are doing.

For those with a free moment as they isolate and chill, here’s a question posted by OkCupid: “We need a new term for a long distance relationship that’s actually just someone quarantined in another apartment. Any ideas?”

Tal Rimon, a videographer based in Berlin, says in some ways, quarantine is helping dating.

“People are lonely right now. Everybody’s online,” she told dpa. “And people are talking for longer, it’s like 15 years ago, they are taking the time to get to know each other.”

In the past, she said, people used to just swipe out of boredom while they were doing other things, but now they are able to connect and find out more about each other before meeting up. “It’s not just about looks anymore.”

Other lovers are forging their own paths through the new landscape, combining digital connections with creative measures to meet.

“My friend is going on a first date tonight with a girl he’s been talking to on Tinder,” Dave Horwitz, an LA-based writer, shared on Twitter late in March.

“They’re going to park next to each other at McDonald’s and talk with the windows cracked while eating their own individual orders of fries. How’s that for romance and longing, Jane Austin?”

 




Surgical Menopause – getting into your Menopause too early

 

Four months ago I had my ovaries removed. It was a shock. One minute I was fine, the next I was doubled up in pain, certain that my appendix was rupturing. A quick trip to hospital and an ultrasound showed a large tumour on my ovary. I asked if it was cancerous. The Emergency Department Consultant could not tell me. The only specialist who was not on holiday could not see me for 10 days. Why do all specialists go on holiday at the same time? It was the same when my sons needed grommets. They were all away. Shouldn’t doctors have to stagger their holidays like any other professional?

My initial meeting with the specialist was not positive and I thought about seeing someone else, but I was not keen on a 3 month wait. I was frightened that I had cancer, so I went with the first person available.

The appointment started badly when she asked why I was there. I told her that I have a tumour on my ovary and was promptly told that “we don’t call it a “tumour”, it is a “mass””. I knew at that point that it was going to be a rough road. Every other doctor from the ED Consultant through to my GP called it a tumour. There was even an arrow pointing to it on the ultrasound scan which is marked “tumour”. However, I was told firmly that I was not to call it that. I don’t know if this was supposed to make me feel better, or happier or reassured. Either way it achieved nothing and I spent the following week looking up ovarian cancer websites and trying to prepare myself for the worst. The specialist said she could operate a week later so I filled in all the admission paperwork and then hit the chocolate. It did nothing for my waistline but it made me feel brighter. Where there is chocolate there is hope.

I arrived at hospital the following week, petrified and with a bag full of chocolate to get me through the recovery in hospital. Green and Blacks I love you. I will buy shares. It was only your milk chocolate that got me through the following weeks. If you noticed a profits spike in April and May, that was down to me.

After waiting in reception for 2 hours I was taken to a ward full of people waiting to have gynaecological surgery. I was apparently third on the list. Why I had to be there at 6.30am when they did not intend to operate before 11am, beats me.

Once I was in a gown and tucked up in bed, the nurse looking after us all decided we all needed to have an enema. I think she was bored. I was expecting a tube up my bottom so was quite relieved when it just turned out to be a tablet. A modern enema involves a tablet being stuck up your bottom and being told to hold it as long as you can before you race to the toilet. There were 8 of us waiting for surgery. The nurse gave us all an enema within minutes of each other. There was one toilet on the ward. The outcome was predictable to everyone except the nurse administering the tablet. I learned a lot of new yoga positions as I was standing in queue outside the one toilet, trying desperately to hold on. There was no commode available. As I was wheeled off for surgery, I hoped the nurse with the smart idea was the one to have to clean up.

I woke up in my own room after the surgery. I was hungry but the nurse told me that I had to be on clear fluids until my bowel had moved. That proved to be a long time. Why did they give me an enema in the first place? Chicken consommé does not help you have a movement. If it goes in liquid, it comes out liquid. I decided that they were just malicious. Three days of chicken consommé and lime jelly later, I was ready to strangle someone, so I lied. I told the doctor I had been to the toilet. The food ban was lifted. I ate chocolate. It was good, really good. In fact it tasted like manna from heaven. My 6 year old saw it on offer at the local supermarket. My husband and son emptied the shelves. My cupboard overflowed…There is no painkiller as effective as a large bar of Green and Blacks Organic Milk Chocolate. Just liquefy it and hook me up to a drip!

I knew that having my ovaries removed would send me into surgical menopause. What I did not know was how quickly it would happen. The various websites were quite vague about it. I knew that I would need to go on to HRT until the age that I would naturally go into the menopause (generally assumed to be around the age of 51) to replace the oestrogen that was no longer being provided.

I thought that I would be given HRT immediately. Apparently not. The specialist decided it would be good for me to experience what menopause was like before allowing me to have the oestrogen patches. The hot flushes kicked in 2 days post-surgery. I endured 5 days of hot flushes and night sweats before discharging myself against doctor’s orders. Only then did she agree to give me the patches. She told me that women should be able to deal with menopause when it happens, whether or not that is down to surgery. I beg to differ.

I did wonder why I, as her patient, had to suffer because of her beliefs about HRT. It made me wonder how much else of her advice was her opinion, versus official recommendations. I went to see my GP five days later and she was brilliant. When I told her I was still suffering hot flushes and night sweats, she upped my dosage of HRT, saying that nobody needed to suffer unnecessarily. The hot flushes and night sweats stopped within 24 hours. My doctor is the best!

It was a long five weeks until I found out I did not have Ovarian Cancer. The specialist forgot to email my GP with the results, so she found out from me that I was in the clear.

The HRT patches work well. I have had to put an alarm in my phone to remind me to change them twice a week, but apart from that it is all fine. My tummy is squidgier than it was and it was a few weeks before my sons were able to bounce on my lap again. However, I have recovered well and am now back to exercising and back on motherly duties again. All credit to my in-laws who moved in and looked after the children for me while I recovered. All credit to my eldest son who reminded my husband to keep resupplying the chocolate.

While this has been a long story I think the main points I wanted to make are that if you are told that there is something wrong that may be very serious, read around. Don’t just read around the subject, read online reviews of the hospital and the specialist you are seeing. I wish that I had, as the same comments I have made above, had previously been made by others having similar surgery at the same hospital, with the same consultant.

Be willing to look further afield for a consultant and a hospital to have the surgery done at, if this is an option where you live. I looked within a 10 mile radius of my home, at 3 possible hospitals and I based my choice purely on opening hours, not on online reviews. If I had gone as far as 30 miles, I may have had a different experience. Finally, read up on the after effects of the surgery, any follow up medication you may need and the pros and cons of it. Use reputable websites, such as those of national or international charities specialising in your condition. Go into your doctor armed to the teeth with information, don’t just take the specialist’s word for it. Knowledge is power and power is confidence. If you are confident of your information when you face your specialist, you may have a lot better experience than if you accept without question, the information that specialist gives you. Finally, take to the hospital whatever it is that will make you feel good afterwards, as a quick boost every now and again, can only be a good thing for your recovery.




Battling Stereotypes of the Jewish Mother

The Jewish Mother. A stereotype so familiar that the words conjure up a universal caricature: a middle-aged woman with a nasal New York accent and ample bosom, who either sweats over a steaming pot of matzah balls while screaming at her kids from across the house. Or, in an updated version, she sits poolside in Florida, jangling her diamonds and guilt-tripping her grown children into calling her more often. The Jewish mother wants her daughter to marry a Jewish doctor and her son to love her best of all. She is sacrificing yet demanding, manipulative and tyrannical, devoted and ever-present. She loves her children fiercely, but man, does she nag.

Where did this Jewish mother come from, and how did she become such a cultural fixture, shorthand for all that is excessive and smothering in familial love? Her predecessor, the Yiddishe Mama, carried little of the negative cultural weight of the Jewish mother and was celebrated in the shtetls of Eastern Europe and the American immigrant neighborhoods at the turn of the 20th century. The Yiddishe Mama was a balabusta, a sentimentalized figure, a good mother and homemaker, known for her strength and creativity, entrepreneurialism and hard work, domestic miracles and moral force. If the Yiddishe Mama was anxious, this was to be expected—after all, who could blame her? Centuries of anti-Semitism plus the challenges of immigrant life justified her intense mothering style and lionized her willful ways. The Yiddishe Mama reminded Jews of the Old World and was synonymous with nostalgia and longing.

But while the Yiddishe Mama and her selfless child-rearing contributed to the success and upward mobility of the American Jewish family, the Jewish mother stereotype didn’t fare so well in this cultural shift. As she rose into the middle class, the Jewish mother’s anxiety level seemed excessive and out of sync with the new suburban reality. Adopting middle class domestic norms, she gave up her own work outside of the home and increasingly, even desperately, sought status and fulfillment through her children. With some modicum of newfound wealth, she was now represented as entitled and overbearing, showy and loud. She became the scapegoat for Jewish ambivalence and anxiety about assimilation, simultaneously representing those Jewish traits that seemed to resist acculturation and held responsible for the materialism that came with success. By mid-century, the Jewish mother was primarily identified by negative characteristics, tinged with Jewish self-hatred and misogyny.

Though it’s been generations since she first appeared on the scene, the Jewish mother stereotype still finds its way into popular culture year after year, ranging from the viral YouTube series, “Sh*t Jewish Mothers Say,” to Caren Chesler’s June 2013 New York Times column about Jewish motherhood via IVF. And there’s more. Barbra Streisand played the intrusive, nagging New Jersey Jewish mother character Joyce Brewster in the 2012 Seth Rogen comedy Guilt Trip, and we all suffered while watching the coiffed and coutured real-life Jewish moms on Bravo’s reality program, The Princesses of Long Island. And let’s not forget Mrs. Wolowitz, Howard’s Jewish mother on the hit CBS show The Big Bang Theory. Though she never appears on screen, her obnoxious and demanding voice makes her presence clear. Literature, film, television, comedy—the Jewish Mother is there. She even has her own Wikipedia entry.

Although the details may differ, the stereotype, in all of its various fashions, is not pretty. What’s clearest about the Jewish mother is that she’s way over-determined and not someone most of us set out to emulate. And yet… there she is, whether we like it or not. Like Woody Allen’s hovering Jewish mother in the sky in the short film Oedipus Wrecks, the stereotype is annoyingly ubiquitous, elbowing her way into conversation—or our own psyches—just when we least expect it.

Maybe that’s because every mother, Jewish or not, can relate to aspects of that mother. We’ve all loved our children to the point of smothering them, been overly anxious, and wrapped ourselves in the mantle of martyrdom from time to time. And so it follows that over the course of the 20th century, the Jewish mother has come to stand in for all mothers, combining the worst of both Jews and women into a toxic mix. Today, “we are all Jewish mothers,” as Joyce Antler put it in You Never Call! You Never Write!: A History of the Jewish Mother—which means we are all guilty of the kind of over-involvement and hysteria once attributed to Jewish mothers in particular.

The latest headlines, sound bites, and cultural trends seem to suggest that motherhood is in a state of crisis. We’re either “leaning in” and abandoning our kids to nannies, or we’re “opting out” to stay at home and steam sweet potatoes. We’re obsessing over whether we can have it all (we can’t), whether breast is best (depends), and whether dads matter (they do). We’re “Helicopter Moms,” “Tiger Moms,” “Attachment Moms,” and “Lazy Moms.” We have inspected, dissected, discussed, and critiqued these various forms of mothering. And yet, the stereotype of the “Jewish Mother” sits, untouched, unexamined, unquestioned. To date, no one has turned their critical focus to the enduring caricature and how its lingering presence impacts actual Jewish mothers today.

This oversight means that scores of Jewish mothers find themselves with no recognizable public role model, no realistic figure with whom to identify. The borscht belt Bubbe who appears on TV may be familiar, but she doesn’t describe or speak to our modern realities. The distance between that character and our own lives is vast—and our impulse may be to emphasize that distance, rather than try to bridge it.

And yet, there is a need to identify, to honor that which we love, to feel pride in our heritage, and to be articulate about its strengths. So what’s a modern Jewish mother to do? How can we define ourselves in a way that is authentic, empowering, and relevant? How can we hold fast to this privileged title, but reinterpret it in a way that’s inclusive, updated, realistic, and meaningful?

Jewish mothers in the 21st century are embracing traditional practices and rituals, walking away from those that don’t make sense to us, and creating new ones along the way. We are always seeking and questioning the best way to parent, trying to balance our life decisions with shifting social norms, sometimes bucking conventions, sometimes adhering to them, always trying to do what is right for our children and for ourselves. Through it all, we are struggling with what it means to be a contemporary mother AND to be a Jewish mother today—complicating an already complex dynamic by examining the very notion of what it means to be Jewish, in all of the 21st century permutations.

Yet we remain Jewish mothers, in ways explicit or unarticulated, confident or ambivalent. We hang in there because we find great meaning in our shared history, in a tradition that has sustained individuals and families through centuries of persecution and survival. We find joy in welcoming our children and celebrating holidays, comfort in enjoying the foods and music of our childhoods and communities, and healing in our times of grief. Or maybe we just stick with it because our mothers did—or because they didn’t. Whatever the reason, our journeys through motherhood and Judaism can be exciting and empowering; connecting to our past and our values (even if sometimes we find more questions than answers) can help ground us in an age of seemingly endless possibilities for shaping a life and raising children.

 

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