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To love or not to love

We all need or long to be Loved, don’t we? Well for most of us anyways… However if our heart has been broken then we may say’ never again’! And we put this not looking ‘Not looking for love shield up’ to protect us…’To protect our Heart’

It can be quite a strong unplesent emotion, while this shield is up. We can become numb, we can pretend we are tough, uninterested, esy going, not bothered and theirs a possibility that to an outsiders view ‘Unactractive. But you know what? Just when you think your not looking for love, maybe, just maybe, someone else is and maybe they are looking at you.

And then when they make contact and express their interest in you, You remember how nice it felt to be looked at from across the room, smiled at, flirted with, kissed, before you know it, you ask… How did this happen? I did’nt expect this?

You  feel this can’t be happening, because you stopped believing in love, because your heart was broken… your waiting for it to all go wrong, to end as soon as it started, your waiting to be forgotten about, you might even make excuses to to end it yourself, because you still have that proctective shield, that hurt, that question of trust, respect and doubt your heart or the feeling that are creeping in totally unkown to you.

But what if the other person believes that, to finish with each other, would be a silly thing to do, that what you have together is good, because they don’t see that proctive shield nor have they a proctive shield, because they are looking into your eyes, your sole, your emotion, your hearts are in sink with each others, it will skip a beat just to catch up.

They like this emotion, this intensity and to be honest so are you.

But heres the scary bit, what do you do when you both reliase you both care very much for each other, you enjoy being with each other, you have become friends that support each other and long to hold each other…. ‘You may even be falling in Love’. You did’nt think that was possible but right under your nose, it’s happened and it feels wonderful.

Well heres my advice, from my past broken heart, from behind my proctive shield! Relax, lower that shield, enjoy the moment, enjoy the time, the attention , the affection, enjoy that sweet happy emotion, enjoy love!

Because time is precious, time is short, time passes us by. Its better to take the risk of that emotion, those feelings of love, because love can be hard to find, consume it!

You will have learned some important things from your past, so use them, but only some of them, because its better to have gained than to have lost or to never know.

Claire

Moving home – the next chapter

So it’s “Done and Dusted’, thats what us Irish say when a Job is complete.

It’s been a crazy, emotional, energetic, exhausting and a tearful past year, yes I am a single parent, also a parent who came out of a long relationship with someone I invested time, money, dreams, tears and my heart with.

Seven years ago we built a beautiful home that I personally created on paper and had it built to a very high standard by investing every cent we owned.  We dreamed of growing old with our family there.

But that was not meant to be, as we seperated two years ago, leaving me and my little Dude in our home that now felt so emepty with my dreams and hopes torn apart and a loneliness you couldn’t imagine.

After coming to terms, gaining strenght and being positive about the challenge on becoming a single parent, I picked myself up, used my talent of Photography and photographed my home, put it on the buyers market and thankfully got a buyer within the first month.

Relief, sadness, closure and panic all came to mind. How can I empty all of its contents in just four weeks as a single parent??

Thankfully, I had a very supportive and kind friend, who helped all the way and with the help of another friend, we did it, we cleared the house of all its contents, all the memories, all the the familiar spaces. It was extreme, it was emotional, but we did it!!

I said my goodbye at 3am that morning that the new owners were to move in, as I drove away in the darkness of the night, looking back at what for only a couple of more hours had been my family home.

Closing that chapter of my life, ready to write a new one, all I can suggest is ‘Never give up, Stay positive, Be strong’ for the little ones because we create their story, their securities and their home.

 Claire

6 Weird Reasons To Wear a Menstrual Cup That Aren’t About Saving The Environment

 

 

 

By Gabrielle Moss

I’m sure that you’ve heard all the virtuous reasons that you should switch from tampons or pads to a menstrual cup — you’ll save money, you’ll help the environment, you’ll get to know your mysterious little lady flower a little better — but you might be surprised to find out there are some other, weirder reasons to make the switch. Because while all those usual reasons are valid, they also make menstrual cups sound like the kale of the period product world — something that’s good for you, but not particularly convenient or fun. This stereotype could not be more wrong, my endometrial lining-shedding friends — menstrual cups are convenient, comfortable, and ideal for the laziest and most absent-minded vagina-havers around. They are truly the ultimate in slacker period products.

If you’re rolling your eyes and/or doing the “jerk-off” motion while you’re reading this right now, know that I was once like you — I used tampons. I’d struggled with tampons since middle school — they seemed to always leak and irritate the inside of my vagina, no matter what I did — and never quite figured out how to wear pads in public after skinny jeans became a thing. But I thought a menstrual cup had to be a thousand times worse — if I was struggling with a tiny piece of cotton, how could shoving a contraption that looks like half of a turkey baster into my sexy bits be any better? I thought it was just another kooky health trend that my hippie friends were into, like avoiding refined sugar, or chiding me for eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos before 11 a.m.

But about six years ago, I worked at a store that sold Diva Cups, and saw how utterly devoted every woman who came in to buy one seemed to be. Surely they couldn’t all be deranged, right? I used my employee discount, tried it for my next period, and never looked back.

Here are the six practical reasons you should consider switching over to a menstrual cup — and none of them require you to squat over a hand mirror, I swear.

 
 

YOU DON’T NEED TO REMEMBER TO PACK AN EXTRA

 In my pre-cup life, I was the woman who was constantly wandering the halls of my office like a traveler who had lost her way, accosting any woman who crossed my path to see if she had a spare tampon. Because I was too scatterbrained to remember to pack a tampon half the time, and the office tampon machine was always broken (I have found that pretty much all tampon machines are usually broken), the first day of most of my periods were characterized by a hurried lunch hour trip to CVS, or an improvised pad made out of a quarter pound of layered office toilet paper. Neither option was a great way to start what was already the most annoying week of my month.

But with a menstrual cup, there’s much less to remember. Since you wear a menstrual cup continuously throughout your period, and remove it only to empty and clean it every few hours, there’s no chance of forgetting it when you head out somewhere where it will be hard to acquire or change a tampon (like, say, the beach, or a Van Halen concert). You only need to buy a new one once a year, so there’s no need to run out and pick up a new one at the start of every period; and since you reuse it, there’s no chance of getting your period early and being caught without anything to sop up your crimson tide.

YOU ONLY NEED TO CHANGE IT ONCE EVERY 10 HOURS


I am phenomenally lazy. Like “I am wearing stretch pants right now because I thought buttons were too much to deal with on a Monday” lazy. And cups are perfect for the lazy menstruator — on regular flow days, menstrual cups only need to be changed 2-3 times a day, and can even be left in place for 10 hours without leaking. On heavier flow days, they need to be changed a little more frequently, but they still hold one full ounce (around 28 grams of blood, which is a lot — we usually only produce two ounces of blood during an entire period). Your average tampon holds 6-9 grams of blood, which means a lot more time in the bathroom, trying to pull something bloody out of your vag.
Since I am such an outspoken evangelist for cups, I get a lot of questions about whether they’ll spill if you actually leave one in for ten hours. There are two parts to this answer: 1. you produce way less blood in any given day than you think, so the times that you actually fill your cup to the top are extremely few and far between; and 2. yes, if you get distracted and leave it in for ten hours while you’re on a very heavy flow, the cup will fill up, and you toilet will look like the elevator from The Shining when you empty your cup out. But in six years of cup usage, this misfortune has only befallen me twice, and believe me when I say I am the most distracted person alive, and way worse at paying attention to anything than you are. So while a cup brimming with blood can be a risk, it’s not a huge one.

IT WON’T DRY OUT YOUR VAGINA

 It seems totally counter-intuitive that your vagina could feel dry while liquid is pretty much continuously pouring out of it, but that’s what always happened to me with periods. The hormonal changes that occur during your menstrual cycle — primarily a drop in estrogen levels right when your periods starts — can lead to a dry-feeling vagina. Tampons can irritate a dry vagina, too — I spent many a pre-cup day wincing in my office bathroom, pulling out a tampon that seemed stuck to the walls of my vagina. Since a menstrual cup is made of silicone rather than cotton, it is less likely to feel “stuck” to the walls of your dry vagina— and since you change them less often than a tampon, it also cuts down on the irritation of taking things in and out of a dry vagina, too.

IT WON’T LEAK IN YOUR SLEEP

If you take the sheets off my mattress, it looks like someone committed a very sloppy and poorly planned murder on it. I’ve had it for about ten years, and in the first few years that I had it, nearly ever part of it got speckled with blood from tampons and pads that leaked while I slept. I’m a tosser and turner when I sleep, which meant that pads usually ended up balled into the back of my underwear, giving me a wedgie and letting blood drip through the front of my panties. And my tampons leaked through nearly every time I slept with them, even when my flow didn’t seem that heavy. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was doomed to live a life of scrubbing blood stains out of my pajama bottoms in my bathroom sink at 7 a.m.

This is where I am most devoted to my cup — it cut sleep leakage out of my life. Since a cup works by creating a seal inside your vagina, in my years of using one, I have been spared the indignity of having to explain weird mattress blood stains to gentleman callers and/or waking up most mornings of my period with bloody underpants. Ugh, I feel gross even typing that.

IT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL LESS SELF-CONSCIOUS WHILE HOOKING UP

 

As a tampon user, I was extremely uptight about the idea of fooling around while I had a tampon in — the idea that the guy I was with might accidentally touch my tampon string while probing my lady bits just kinda weirded me out. Someone else touching my tampon string felt too intimate, but not in the good way — it felt more like the kind of intimacy based around bodily grossness that you have with your gynecologist. I would get distracted by the idea of it, and then would begin wondering if my tampon was leaking, and before I knew it, I just wasn’t horny any more. I generally avoided a lot of sexual contact during my period for this reason, among others.

My switch to menstrual cups has totally turned things around for me. Not having to worry about my boyfriend accidentally yanking on my tampon string — or getting his hand covered in tampon leakage — has loosened me up significantly on the “third base while you’re on your period” front. I do still take my menstrual cup out to have actual intercourse — although there is a line of menstrual cups that you can wear while having sex — but just knowing that I can jump into fooling around without having to worry about some weird hand-string contact (or take it out too soon and accidentally bleed into my underpants while we’re making out) has been a relief.

IT DOESN’T GET PUSHED OUT WHEN YOU POOP

Okay, I should specify that this is just based on my own personal experience, not any kind of formal research — I’ve seen a number of women online say just the opposite, that pooping seems to squeeze their cup out of place. So this is just one vagina’s tale. But, personally, using a cup has been a pooping-related game changer.

I used to constantly push my tampons out when I pooped — not all the way out, but into that awkward halfway-out position, where the end of the tampon is irritating your vaginal opening, and the top of the tampon is poking something sensitive, and everything is awful. That would lead to me then pulling out a half-dry tampon — which is also a special kind of ladybit torture — and then inserting a new tampon into my now irritated vag, making the entire situation a triple crown of vaginal unpleasantness. Since using a cup, I’ve had the rare occasion where I didn’t insert it correctly beforehand, and pooping squeezes it into an uncomfortable position — but when it’s inserted properly, I can’t feel it, it doesn’t move, and I can finally focus on the important things while pooping (i.e. reading a three month old issue of Us Weekly).

 

Vindictive people – It is all mums fault

What makes people so vindictive and so willing to hurt others, especially those that have a connection with one another such as children? Do you get a thrill of knowing you know how to push just the right buttons to cause emotional pain to that person?

You have situations such as couples having a child together, all the family members and friends get along to some degree and things are going great. Then *bam* everything starts to fall apart and the couple is no longer a couple. Uh oh, what happens now?

Well, it’s definitely not the parents sit down as adults and work out how to raise their child and who does what when and how. No no, the father of the child has to bring up something that happened years ago that the mother did and clearly never forgave her for and starts to tell everyone how unfit she is to raise the child. The father then starts trying to take steps to cut the mother out of the child’s life, but also telling the mother of the child that he would do everything possible to make sure she gets to spend time with their child even though they aren’t together. Mixed signals much? Lets make matters even worse and now throw in the family members of the father of the child. Since the couple is no longer a couple then *hey* who cares about the mother of the child. You’re no longer with our son so we’ll just help try and keep our grandchild away from you.

Seriously are these people not thinking of the child? Is all that goes through their mind is how best to hurt the mother?

What about married couples that have children and things fall apart?

Sadly you get the same thing and sometimes even worse! Mothers that use their children as weapons to hurt the father by turning the child against their dad. They’ll tell them things like your dad doesn’t love us or want you and that’s why he left or you’re dad’s a bum and we don’t need him.

There’s cases where you see joint custody with the parents and the grandparents for whatever reasons, best interest of the parties involved at the time of the family dynamics falling apart that also can turn ugly. Life moves on, the parents mature and grow in their new situations and it’s time to explore outside of everyone’s comfort zone. *whoops* the grandparents don’t like this idea very much and start making up lies and twisting facts to try and prevent this from occurring.

Again I ask do the vindictive ones not stop and think of what harm they are causing? Do they really not care? Is it really all about them?

How do we deepen our Resilience?

Resilience, Resiliency, Positive, Positivity, Positive Imperative, Michael Ballard
By virtue of the fact you’re reading this tells me you have resiliency. A key question is how do we deepen, and widen our capacity to thrive?
 imagesFalsehoods and Lies – These can wear us down and hurt us, as like the half truths they are not all accurate.

  • Indicating that we’re what? Very Tall? Short?
  • Never mind the 79 – 197 hours your practiced,

Michael H Ballard is a SME – Subject Matter Expert on Resiliency. He consults and trains with individuals and groups, organizations and communities on how to develop and deepen their resiliency.

 Let’s start at the beginning.

A key component of being resilient is our ability to understand, manage and nurture our self-definition. What is self-definition you ask? Good question. 

Self Definition is a compilation of how we’ve knowingly and unknowingly defined ourselves based on many variables. These include our race, colour, creed, gender, physical traits, IQ, EQ, how we where parented, our health  extended family, neighbourhood, workplace, educational levels attained, the media, community and country to name just a few.
Where  should we start?
Let us start with you considering this concept about Self Definition.
If there was a picture of you in the dictionary; not just any dictionary but one that is confidential and only you can see. Your dictionary only! Now, let us take a trip inside this confidential dictionary to see what you’ll discover and uncover.
First realize that there are three key types of items and memories stored here.
The first are the truths about us. However some of the things we think are the truth in time are not always 100% accurate.
half truth, half lie, truth, positive, positivity, positive imperative, Michael Ballard
Half Truths – Half Falsehoods
~ These are beliefs about us that can confuse and misdirect us as we lack clarity because of them. I.e. You’re just like your (Place name here) and will never do well in math. When in fact perhaps you’re not going to be a Engineer, or a Physicist, yet could do very well as a business professional using business math.
What to do about these three categories?
Well, several years back I mentored a young gentleman who’d lived on the street for ten years. After several deep and meaty conversations he shared the phrase “Fearless moral inventory”. Great phrase. I’d suggest a slightly gentler approach. Consider something along the lines of a “Deep and wide honest inventory of how have I defined myself to date? Then, what should be adjusted? Added? Thrown out?
It is a process so it will not just happen over night. However if we have the courage to understand that we took years to get this way than real change can often happen in hours, days and weeks. If we keep practicing. The road to mastery is one built on excellence not perfection.

Positive, Positive Thinking, Positive Mind, Positive, Positivity, Positive Imperative

No where to be seen between Positive and Negative thoughts, half truths are the neutral way of thinking that is also negative.
So, how do these three key types of files in our private and confidential internal dictionary show up?
Generally people have them there as positive, negative and half-truths.
Words
I.e.
–          Stupid – Oh don’t be so stupid!
–          Amazing – It is amazing how you do that so well.
Phrases
I.e. –          You’re just like your …
Under weight? Over weight? Smart? Stupid?
Incredibly good looking?
–          You’re so lucky
the lessons you took and the mentor you had. You lucky? Not a chance. Luck favours the prepared. You prepared. You gained some mastery!
Pictures I.e. Images burnt into our brain of a very upbeat or very negative time.
Use caution of reviewing our failures and mistakes. Over time we run the risk of programming ourselves for more failures and mistakes.
Positive Imperative Positive thinking negative thinking
Mini movies and sound tracks
I.e. They play over and over and over again if we give them permission. They become burnt into our brain of a very upbeat or very negative time. They can influence our mood, our relationships our happiness and our success.
Replaced the negative ones with new ones. Write a new script! Act it out in the privacy of your bedroom or Living room.
 We need to stay vigilant against a society that works on a negative asset basis. We’re consistently feed messages that if we just “wore the right clothes, drove a certain car, lived in a certain area, attended a certain school, we’d be smarter, more successful and more likeable. All not true of course. Yet the cosmetics, fashion industry and many others do quite well with that pitch. Not that a new piece of clothing is not a good thing. Just not a replacement of the homework we all should be doing.
Well with over 80% of what we think and are told framed in the negative it is no wonder we have “issues” around resiliency. Feeling comfortable in our own skin and managing our Self Definition is a very powerful first step. Foundational work some of us would say.
So nothing like the present to start to walk the talk about resiliency.

What area of your Self Definition will you work on today? The time is now to take this on and start to build and rid of what blocks you as you house clean.

 

Resiliant Michael

Winter Darkness, Season Depression

Winter depression is still a mystery to scientists who study it. But researchers agree that people who suffer from seasonal affective disorder are particularly sensitive to light, or the lack of it.

 

A wistful feeling comes over us in late autumn, as the last remaining leaves drop, morning frosts cover the ground, and the sun sets earlier each day. Hot cider and the warmth of a favorite old coat may be all you need to face the coming winter with good cheer, but for many people, fall melancholy deepens to winter depression.

Winter depression is still a mystery to scientists who study it. Many things, including brain chemicals, ions in the air, and genetics seem to be involved. But researchers agree that people who suffer from winter depression — also known as “seasonal affective disorder,” a term that produces the cute acronym SAD — have one thing in common. They’re particularly sensitive to light, or the lack of it.

Many studies have shown that people with seasonal affective disorder feel better after exposure to bright light. It seems simple enough: In higher latitudes, winter days are shorter, so you get less exposure to sunlight. Replace lost sunlight with bright artificial light, and your mood improves. But it’s actually far more complex. Alfred Lewy, MD, a seasonal affective disorder researcher at the Oregon Health & Science University, says it’s not only a matter of getting light, but also getting it at the right time. “The most important time to get light is in the morning,” he says.

He thinks seasonal affective disorder is due to a “phase-shift” of the circadian rhythm. The wall clock may tell you it’s time to get up and at ’em, but your body’s internal clock says you should be resting. Bright light in the morning resets your circadian clock.

This is relevant to the “fall back” time change, which happens in places that observe Daylight Saving Time. You might think that setting back the clock one hour would make seasonal affective disorder symptoms worse, because the sun sets one hour earlier. “Actually, I think it’s the opposite,” Lewy says. “The problem is waking up before dawn.”

Lewy says he suspects that “true winter depressives,” the people whose problem is biological and not related to other factors, might feel better after the time change. But the improvement would only be temporary, as days continue to shorten.

Arctic Winters

In Fairbanks, Alaska, in the dead of winter, less than four hours separate sunrise and sunset. With so little sunlight, it seems like no one could escape winter depression; but in fact, many Alaskans fare just fine. One study found that about 9% of Fairbanks residents had seasonal affective disorder. That’s about the same percentage another study found in New Hampshire.

Mark D., who lives near Fairbanks, says he doesn’t suffer from seasonal affective disorder, even though he rarely sees the sun. He pulls 12-hour shifts working in a power plant.

He stays active in winter, so “cabin fever” isn’t a problem for him, either. “If you sit around the house and do nothing all day I suppose it could eat at you,” he says. “But there is always something for me to do — snow-machine, cut firewood … or just going into town and have a cup of coffee with friends at the cafe.

There are people, though, that will have a ten-yard stare in a five-yard room,” he says. Some seek comfort from a bottle, too. “In lots of the smaller villages, that does happen. Drinking is a big problem.”

Seasonal affective disorder researcher Michael Terman, PhD, at the Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in New York, offers some possible explanations for why seasonal affective disorder isn’t more common in the arctic. For one, people with seasonal affective disorder may be genetically predisposed to clinical depression and light sensitivity. Most people, in any place, wouldn’t have both genetic traits. “Another way to look at it is that those are the people who are still in Alaska,” he says. People who can’t cope might not stay.

But not everyone affected by seasonal changes has full-blown seasonal affective disorder, so estimates of how many people do have it may be low. “Winter depression is a spectrum of severity,” Lewy says. You may have trouble getting up, have bouts of fatigue during the day, or feel compelled to overeat, without feeling depressed.

These symptoms can be treated with the same therapy given to seasonal affective disorder patients. Bright light — generated by a special light box that’s much brighter than a normal lamp — is the first option. It’s proven to work, but not for everyone. Also, the right time for it differs from person to person, Terman says. For a night owl, taking light therapy too early could make seasonal affective disorder worse.

New Ideas

om Wehr, researcher at the National Institute of Mental Health, has proposed a new explanation for seasonal affective disorder: It may stem from too much melatonin. When the brain‘s pineal gland starts pumping out melatonin, we get sleepy. During winter, animals secrete melatonin for longer periods than they do at other times of the year. Wehr discovered that people do, too — but only those who suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

Light therapy would still work if melatonin were the main culprit, because light controls melatonin levels. Researchers are also testing a drug called propranalol, which they hope will improve seasonal affective disorder symptoms by curtailing melatonin flow in the morning hours. Lewy is studying the effects of small melatonin doses given in the afternoon, hoping that they will adjust circadian rhythms.

Raymond Lam, MD, researcher at the University of British Columbia, Canada, and others are studying the role of brain chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. “We know there are interactions between the serotonin system and the circadian system,” Lam says.

Some antidepressants like Paxil and Prozac work for some seasonal affective disorder sufferers. But Lewy says he prefers light therapy to antidepressants, which he says “are probably more of a Band-Aid,” because they’re not specific to winter depression.

Terman has been testing yet another new way to treat seasonal affective disorder. This therapy involves aiming a stream of negatively charged ions at a person sleeping on a special conductive bed sheet. The discovery that high-density negative ions (not the same ions produced by home air filters) helped people with seasonal affective disorder came accidentally from a previous study. A second study, which will end later this year, has also found a beneficial effect.

The air is full of negative ions in springtime, and not in the winter. But that doesn’t explain how ion therapy works. “We don’t yet have an answer to that question,” Terman says; nevertheless, “We’re now convinced that it’s real.”

Avoid Romance Scams in the Cyber Love Age

There was a time, long in the past, where the local singletons would go down to the disco or local dance in order to find that special someone; those days are definitely gone. The most popular way these days to find love is online, which has seen a surge with applications such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish, now offering instant, on-the-move match-making. Online provides a way for those unable to cultivate a social life, for work or personal reasons, to find instant gratification, although it does have its pitfalls.

Yom Kippur 2018: What you need to know about the holiest day of the Jewish year

 

Yom Kippur the holiest day of the Jewish year, takes place in 2018 on the evening of Tuesday 18 September.

Following Rosh Hashanah – the faith’s new year – Jews observe the Ten Days of Repentance, an opportunity to reflect on their sins and transgressions over the past 12 months.  This period culminates with Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement, a solemn 25-hours of prayer and fasting undertaken as a gesture of penance.

What is it?

Beginning at sunset and concluding the following evening when three stars are seen in the sky, Yom Kippur sees Jews “afflict their souls” by abstaining from food and drink, bathing, sex and wearing leather shoes or perfume and engaging in prayers of repentance.

More than that, Jews are expected to make a personal commitment to reform. As the prophet Isaiah says in the Torah, God expects the Jews to “unlock the fetters of wickedness”, share their bread with the hungry, take the poor into their homes and clothe the unfortunate.

What takes place?

As on the Sabbath, labours of any kind are forbidden to ensure a focus on one’s spiritual wellbeing. Observance of the Ten Days and Yom Kippur ensure the new year represents a fresh start.

Depending on the strictness of a follower’s adherence, in practice this can mean anything from not going to the office to not using electricity. In some cases, Jews may stand all day and not sleep as an act of devotion.

In synagogues, the service of Kol Nidre is held at sunset to mark the commencement of Yom Kippur, to which attendees wear tallits (prayer shawls) and dress in white. At services throughout the following 25 hours, special passages are read from the Torah and vidui (confessions) are chanted.

Yizkor also takes place, a memorial service for those lost in the past year, before matters conclude with a final service, Neilah, “the locking of the gates”.

After this, the end of Yom Kippur is marked with the “breaking of the fast”, a celebratory family dinner.

What is Kapparot?

This is one of the more unusual aspects of Yom Kippur and involves the swinging of a live chicken three times around the head, a folk custom dating back at least 800 years and intended to absolve the devotee of sin. The fowl is subsequently slaughtered and its meat often donated to charity.

What if he is asking for a break ? 5 reason why he would do that

 

 

There are few sentences that doom a relationship as much as “let’s take a break.” It’s almost like saying, “We’re on the way out, but neither of us wants to let go, so let’s just do this painfully and slowly.” It’s like clinging to flotsam after a shipwreck in the middle of the ocean, knowing you’ll likely drown but being unable to give up. Except, in the case of the relationship, instead of sinking slowly into a watery grave, you just get sad for a while and then date someone else.

So people know that, even if the idea of the “break” has the best intentions, the odds that it won’t just turn into a full-on break up are certainly stacked against you. Here are the reasons he’s probably asking for one, in order of likelihood:

1. This is his way of breaking up without being too harsh.

 

This is almost always why a “break” is proposed. He’s probably a good guy, but he’s also too cowardly to tell you he doesn’t want to see you anymore. Typically, the relationship was amazing at one point, and you were deeply in love, maybe even unhealthily codependent. He wants to get out but feels awful being the one to end things, even if it’s the right thing to do in the long-term. If you suspect that’s what’s going on, ask him to be real with you. It’ll be way less awful than dragging through months of long talks and confusion when he’s already made up his mind.

2. He wants to have sex with someone else.

 

If you’re on a break, and he has sex with someone else, he technically didn’t cheat and then you can still get back together. This is a pretty garbage reason to ask for a break. Granted, this is 2016 and some people can successfully navigate an open relationship, and if you want to bang other people too, then maybe you’ll be down for this. “I have so many people I wanted to bang,” you’ll say. “Look at this bang list. I need to get started.” And then the two of you high-five and everything works out, and I guess you’re both soul mates because you both have a “bang list” apparently and aren’t deterred by your partner possessing a similar bang list.

But, if open relationships aren’t your thing, then this is his way of sneaking in a free pass. If there’s some woman he’s been hanging out with and he suddenly asks for a break out of the blue, you can tell him, “The only break you’re getting is a break up. With me. I’m breaking up with you.” Maybe don’t say that, but just break up with him.

3. He really actually needs to reevaluate your relationship. 

 

It’s not necessarily a great sign, but he might really want to take a constructive look at your relationship and take some distance for a few weeks. The relationship might’ve once been great but now feels stagnant. He might feel like he’s at a crossroads where he needs to figure out if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or not. His intentions are good, but if he has to do this in the first place (or more specifically, if he feels he has to do this), then it’s time for you both to really look at your relationship and at what needs changing. Are those things worth changing, or things worth breaking up over? Can you come back from a “break?” Sure. But you both have to really want to work at it if you don’t want it to be your death sentence. It’s way too easy to think, Single life isn’t so bad and I’m comfortable here, now.

4. He needs a few weeks of peace and quiet.

 

Maybe he’s not the best with words and “break” isn’t the most accurate term. He could have some major finals or a huge crunch at work, and doesn’t want any distractions. He could really just be looking for some space. If he’s stressed and he’s the kind of person that needs to focus on one thing at a time, you’ll both feel better in the long run if you give him that space. He probably knows he’s going to snap at you for little things, or act distant, and he doesn’t want to feel guilted into spending time with you when he knows he should be devoting it somewhere else. In all fairness, he probably should have said “me time” instead, but hey, this isn’t the worst possible outcome on this list.

 5. This is some kind of “relationship test.” 

 

He wants to see if you’ll say yes to the break because that would somehow mean you’re not committed to the relationship. Some people are just so insecure that they feel compelled to play mind games. Maybe he’s afraid of losing you. Maybe he thinks, She’s going to break up with me, so I should break up with her first. Maybe he’s a sociopath. Maybe he read it on some website on the internet (who would do that?). I don’t know, some people are crazy and play weird mind games. Don’t bother with anyone who does this.

20 signs why he is your twin flame

 

The moment you meet your twin flame is the moment the earth beneath your feet begins to shift and although I feel immense gratitude for the gift of connecting with my twin flame, I am happy to say that this blessing is open to everyone; however such a gift is not always received openly or even recognized by us on a conscious level. Sometimes we’re at a point in our lives where we are simply not receptive to both ourselves and our twin flame’s presence due to stress, over-work, lifestyle habits and negative thought patterns that lead to low self-esteem.

For this reason I believe that it’s important to identify some of the major twin flame signs that you might experience, or have already experienced, in your lifetime. In the end, the appearance of our mirror soul is always a mystery and can rarely be predicted. So pay attention.

What is a Twin Flame?

Your twin flame, or twin soul, is a person who you are destined to feel connected to on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. Your twin flame represents your friend, lover and teacher in this life. He or she is the catalyst of your spiritual growth and the mirror of your deepest desires, needs, and fears. Your twin flame will reflect back to you all of your inner shadows, but also your deepest beauty and greatest strengths. In this way, your twin flame helps you to access tremendous emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth.

Who is Your Mirror Soul?

I like to refer to our twin flames as mirror souls because they essentially reflect the deepest needs, desires, dreams and shadow elements of our souls. We will explore this a bit more later on.

However, before that, I just want to say that our twin flames are not always romantic, and they are not – as is so popularly suggested – necessarily heterosexual connections. In fact, our twin flames may be romantic partners of the same sex (or no sex), and they can often be platonic friends or even family members who we have known for a long time.

Regardless of this, twin flames are most commonly romantic in nature and tend to manifest themselves as people who we can passionately connect with on all levels.

Top 20 Twin Flame Signs

We are not always receptive to the appearance of our twin flames in life. We might be heart-broken, wracked with grief, maritally over-burdened, or just plain tired and disillusioned when they suddenly appear out of the blue. In fact, we might have already met our twin flames or mirror souls, but we might have overlooked them, belittled them or taken them for granted in some way.

Whatever emotional or psychological stage you’re at in life, it is always beneficial to be conscious of the people you live with and meet. These following twin flame signs might help you to open new pathways and opportunities for union:

  1. You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.”
  2. You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.
  3. You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time.
  4. You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
  5. You are able to be your authentic self – warts and all – without the fear of rejection, persecution or judgment with them.
  6. You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.
  7. You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
  8. They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
  9. When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.
  10. You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.
  11. You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.

  12. You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.
  13. You twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly-strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds and repressions.
  14. No matter how many times you avoid or leave your twin flame, you’re always magnetically attracted back to them. (Don’t confuse this with abusive relationship complexes.)
  15. One of you is more soulfully mature than the other, and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.
  16. You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy and open-mindedness by them and with them.
  17. Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer and muse all at once.
  18. Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at, and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
  19. You can be truthful with each other about anything.

  20. Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically.