It is the secret we are all trying to unlock — how to live long and happy lives.

Science has found the key to success — for men, anyway.

In the United Kingdom, men in general are not expected to live as long as women — so maybe they need a little bit more help.

The average life expectancy for a man is 79, where women are expected to live to 82.

The reason for women outliving men is genetics, according to Medical Daily. Women have two X chromosomes, which provides them with a backup if a mutation occurs. However, men do not have that luxury — they only have one X chromosome to express all their genes.

Lifestyle factors can also impact how long a person will live.

Here are six ways a man can boost his life expectancy.

1. Stare at boobs

It may seem like an inconvenience or an invasion of privacy to many women, but staring at boobs creates a positive mindset in men.

The same effect occurs when they look at cute animals.

A 2012 study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, looked at the effects positive thinking had on men’s health.

After a year, positive thinking had a powerful effect on health choices.

More than half of the patients with coronary artery disease increased their physical activity versus 37 percent in the control group, who were not asked to write down positive thoughts in the morning.

The same happened to men with high blood pressure.

More than 40 percent of those with high blood pressure followed their medication plan compared to 36 percent in the non-positive-thinking group.

2. Have lots of sex

What every man wants to hear, but there is a good reason for it.

A study in the BMJ found that sex could decrease a man’s mortality rate by as much as 50 percent.

It is all down to sex promoting physical well-being, as well as being a stress reliever — which can help reduce the likeliness of illness.

Not to mention sex releases serotonin, the happy hormone, which makes us feel better overall.

In the study, life expectancy increased by three to eight years in the group who reported more orgasms.

3. Get married

Not something everyone would have thought — especially those who refer to their wife as their “ball and chain” — but married men do live longer.

But it also depends on the age at which they get married.

A survey of more than 127,000 Americans found men who got married after they were 25 were likely to live longer than those who married young.

Researchers have questioned whether healthy men are more likely to marry than men with health problems, but unhealthy men actually marry earlier, are less likely to divorce, and are more likely to remarry after divorce or being widowed than healthy men.

Others have wondered whether living with another person has health benefits.

But it seems to be both.

4. Have kids

It seems like a natural progression, really.

Men who marry and have kids live longer than those who don’t.

A study in the Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health found that when parents reached age 60, men with kids saw their life expectancy go up two years while women increased by 1.5 years.

By the age of 80, men with kids were expected to live eight months longer than those without kids.

5. Be responsible

A sense of responsibility can do wonders.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology discovered older people in nursing homes who were given a plant to care for had improved socialization, alertness and general function.

Perhaps that is why having kids is good for you.

6. Get a ‘dad bod’

Most men gain a bit of weight after they have kids, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

A book called “How Men Age” argues that tubby men are less likely to suffer a heart attack or prostate cancer and are more likely to invest their time in their children.

Author Richard G. Bribiescas says their increased fat levels also make them more attractive to women — which will help with the above tips.

Attraction between the sexes, as complicated as it may seem, is pretty simple to explain in a few lines.Girls are more easily attracted to a guy who appears healthy and stress-free, has a good level of testosterone which makes him appear more manly and chiseled, and has a protective streak in him which makes him a good mate material and a father.Guys, on the other hand, are more easily attracted to girls based on their appearance or behavior.But that’s not it though.To truly understand how to attract men and how a man’s mind works, we need to get deeper into the concept of attraction from the male point of view.

How to attract men in a way they can’t resist

A guy may like a girl for different reasons, but when it comes to physical or sexual attraction at first sight, her physical appearance and her behavior matters more than anything else.So if you want to attract a man and make him desire you, you just need to get his attention the right way. And the rest, as they say, is history! You need to keep this in mind though, love and attraction are two completely different things. A guy may find you extremely attractive, yet he may not end up falling in love with you for his own reasons.But for love to blossom in the first place, you need to build the sexual attraction before you make him fall in love with you. It’s the safest way to make sure the guy falls for you and stays in love with you.

Attraction and how a man views a woman’s body

As we know that physical attraction plays a very big part in attracting a guy, you need to understand what a guy’s mind tells him when he sees you and sizes you up.When a guy sees a girl’s physical assets, he subconsciously sees more than just your breasts or your butt. The right curves in all the right places tells a guy that a girl is fertile and has come of age, and that she’s healthy because her body can afford to waste energy on developing her curves which play the biggest role in sexual attraction.A guy may think a girl is attractive. But in his subconscious mind, he’s gauging you as the woman who may carry his offspring one day.

Testosterone and a man’s sexual preference

Every man produces testosterone, a sexual hormone, in his testes. And women produce a small amount of testosterone in their ovaries. The more testosterone a man produces, the more manly he looks and the more sexually virile he is. His facial features appear manlier, his jaws are wider and more chiseled and his voice is deeper.And several studies have shown that the more manly a man is, the more attracted he’d be to women who exhibit feminine traits *girlie, cute traits*.On the other hand, a small percentage of men who produce a lesser-than-normal amount of testosterone may find themselves getting more attracted to women who are less feminine and more controlling and dominant in the relationship.So if you’re trying to catch the attention of a typical guy *a large percentage of men have normal or high production of testosterone even though the overall average testosterone levels have dropped significantly in American men over the last 50 years*, chances are, he’d love you if your behavior is more feminine, cute and girly!

The perfect woman for a real man – She’s cute and sexy

A regular man who isn’t suffering from low testosterone would always find a feminine woman more attractive than a woman who thinks femininity is overrated and displays traits that are traditionally considered manly.While a girl’s physical appearance is the biggest sign of femininity, at times, it helps if you can display more femininity in your behavior. No, I’m not saying pink frills and scented paper. But there are always other ways to appear cuter and get a guy to take a second and third look at you.

Why do guys like cute girls?

Men have always been the more aggressive sex in the human species. They’re usually the ones who spread their legs wider, stand tall and swell their chest up while trying to appear threatening all the time, more so when they’re in an argument or when they meet someone they see as a threat in any manner.But cute changes everything. When a girl behaves in a cute and feminine manner, it brings out the protective instincts of a man. Instead of feeling threatened by a feminine girl, he feels protective about her. That makes him feel more masculine, and that’s something every guy loves to feel! When a girl reveals her vulnerable side to a guy, it’s very hard for any guy to ignore her or avoid noticing her vulnerability. And the instant his mind connects with her vulnerability, it eliminates any thoughts of a threat and his protective side creates a bond of protection and attachment with her.He feels the need to be around her, and his subconscious mind tries very hard to make her feel protected, comfortable and loved around him. He loses his aggressive stance, the tone of his voice softens down, and his shoulders droop down towards her instead of spreading wide. And before he even gives attraction a second thought, he’d realize that he likes the girl already!

Traits of a cute and feminine girl that draw real man

Many girls are against the idea of being feminine or behaving in a cute manner. To a typical feminist, behaving in a demure or coy manner is a sign of weakness. And they can’t accept that a guy finds a cute *and dare, we say it… submissive* girl more attractive than a girl who likes to be a non-girlie girl.If you’re feminine, you don’t really have to be cute. But if you can pull off a perfectly cute personality, it would only add to your allure and make you more desirable among men.To understand cute behavior better, all you need is to interact with a couple of Japanese or Thai girls whose behavior isn’t influenced by us Americans. They’re not meek or silly, nor do they have to behave like stupid bimbos to win a guy’s affection. All they have to do is flaunt what sets them apart, and that’s their femininity and grace.And no testosterone laden guy can resist the allure of a sweet Asian girl when he’s having a conversation with her. Everything about them makes them appear more beautiful and feminine, right from their cute heart signs with inverted hands, the way they nod their heads, the way they behave while having a conversation with you to the way they smile coyly and yet so warmly.Femininity comes naturally to some girls *not just Asian girls*, but it’s an art that’s worth learning. If you want to know how to attract men, all you need to do is exude your feminine side while talking to them. And once you try that, you’ll know what I’m talking about.And remember, a cute girl who displays her feminine side will always have an edge over all other girls when she’s trying to catch the attention of a real man!

How to bring out your feminine side naturally

Femininity comes naturally. But cuteness can be created by the way you behave. Additionally, if you’re on a date with a guy and want to come across as a girl who’s in touch with her femininity, here are a couple of tips for you.#1 Dress in softer pastel colors like peach or mauve. The color will give your skin tone a healthy glow that makes you look warm and likeable instantly.#2 Smile more often. A smile can make you appear more pleasant and friendly.#3 Run your fingers through your hair delicately. Always works for any guy!#4 Tip your head slightly downwards when you’re blushing or smiling, and look at him from under your eyebrow.These four tips may sound bizarre for a feminist or a cute-bashing girl, but trust me, it will do wonders for your date!

A tip to remember – Don’t be yourself if you can be better

Contrary to popular belief, don’t be yourself. Evolve.When someone tells you that the best way to attract someone is by being yourself, well, they’re not entirely right. All of us change all the time. And not every change that we see in ourselves may be in the right direction.Who are you? How would you define yourself? We are who we are because of our socioeconomic status, the people around us, and other influences we’ve had in our lifetime. A lucky few may have had the opportunity to be influenced by the perfect examples, while most of us have to change to become better individuals. Or worse, we never get to become better individuals  or achieve the full potential that’s within us because we’re convinced we’re all perfect already.You don’t have to change yourself just to attract men, but change yourself to become a better you. Have you ever walked into a room full of attractive women, and found yourself thinking that a few of those girls were better than you in some way? When you meet a woman and find yourself in awe of her for any reason at all, it only means you admire and want some particular trait of hers that you lack yourself.If you like a trait about a friend, be it her spontaneity, her courage, her carefree attitude, her posture, or the way she dresses up, your mind may subconsciously like that trait because you want to see that trait in yourself. A change of this kind is good, where you see something you like and want to see that in yourself.A girl who is the epitome of perfection in every way *if she does exist* won’t be awed by anyone else. On the other hand, everywhere she goes, she’d be the girl that would receive compliments, stares and awed jaws!So change often, become the dream girl you fantasize about in your head, and be the girl you really want to be. And life will turn out to be so much better for you, be it about men, work, friends or anything else.It’s easy to push a thought away and assume it’s wrong to be feminine or assume it’s a bad thing to change. But trust me, change is good. And change is inevitable. So you’re going to change whether you like it or not. And you have a choice to become a better you, or a worse you.

The last word about the science of attraction between the sexes

We’re all animals, and you shouldn’t forget that. We may be wearing pants or walking on two feet, but that doesn’t change our primal instincts. We still chase each other and woo each other just like the animals in the wild.The male and female sexes still play games to win each other’s affection. Human males still like to woo a female through their display of brute strength, dexterity or their sheer awesomeness. And a man laden with male hormones wants a woman who’s graceful and feminine, because subconsciously, it makes him feel more like a man.You don’t have to pretend to be dumb or weak, nor do you have to behave like the weaker sex just to attract a man. All you need to do is revel in your femininity and display your cuteness, and give the man you like a chance to bask in his manliness and show off his protectiveness!

Understanding how to attract men is really simple. Enjoy your femininity and let the world see it. The men will come, yes, they’ll come in droves!

Lovepanky

Tinder is telling users that just because they are isolating physically, that doesn’t mean they have to stay home alone with their hoarded instant noodles. Instead, Tinder wants you to seek “solidarity matches” across the planet, a paid function that is now free of charge during the pandemic.

Tinder’s “passport” feature allows users to connect with anyone anywhere. “They can check in on folks in their hometown, college town, or sister city, and find those across the world who are going through similar things,” the company says.

The feature is available for free to all members , Tinder said, despite usually being reserved for premium users.

OkCupid is also encouraging its users to change their preferences to “anywhere” to help them meet up with singles in their country or around the world during this social distancing period, a company representative told dpa.

Bumble, a women’s dating app developed in Berlin, meanwhile suggests users chat in the app for longer than usual, rather than linking up right away offline.

“Right now, we’re committed to powering safe & equal *virtual* connections. That means staying safe — and, as much as possible, staying home (video chat is our new best friend!),” Bumble told its users.

Dating apps have also begun to issue more health guidance, too, and Tinder told dpa that it has been asking members to follow the recommendations of the World Health Organization.

“While we want you to continue having fun, protecting yourself from the coronavirus is more important,” the site told in-app users, according to a report in TMZ, a digital news site. Tinder users should practice social distancing, carry hand sanitiser and wash their hands frequently, Tinder says.

The dating app providers say their efforts are working. “In this challenging time, we see Tinder members finding new ways to connect. As an area becomes more affected by physically-isolating measures, we see new conversations happening there and those conversations last longer,” the company said in a statement.

“This epidemic is also changing the tenor of connection in the hardest hit places. More people are using Tinder bios to show their concern for others (‘how is everyone’) instead of their life motto,” Tinder added.

OkCupid’s chief executive Ariel Charytan said the company had noticed that activity had increased enormously using the app as people still wanted to meet and exchange, even if they couldn’t do so in person.

The platform is now sharing ideas for digital dating with its users, suggesting they meet for virtual drinks and dinners, play games or chat online.

And Maria Sullivan, vice president of Dating.com, found that 82% of the site’s singles turned to online dating during the coronavirus outbreak, according to a story in Bustle, a web site for women.

Other stories on its site advised users on how to hook up during Zoom meetings, for example, or the ins and outs of a digital one-night stand.

Has the virus taken love online at least for the time being? The hashtag #quarantineandchill trending on Twitter suggests it has, as users post songs, selfies and images of what they are doing.

For those with a free moment as they isolate and chill, here’s a question posted by OkCupid: “We need a new term for a long distance relationship that’s actually just someone quarantined in another apartment. Any ideas?”

Tal Rimon, a videographer based in Berlin, says in some ways, quarantine is helping dating.

“People are lonely right now. Everybody’s online,” she told dpa. “And people are talking for longer, it’s like 15 years ago, they are taking the time to get to know each other.”

In the past, she said, people used to just swipe out of boredom while they were doing other things, but now they are able to connect and find out more about each other before meeting up. “It’s not just about looks anymore.”

Other lovers are forging their own paths through the new landscape, combining digital connections with creative measures to meet.

“My friend is going on a first date tonight with a girl he’s been talking to on Tinder,” Dave Horwitz, an LA-based writer, shared on Twitter late in March.

“They’re going to park next to each other at McDonald’s and talk with the windows cracked while eating their own individual orders of fries. How’s that for romance and longing, Jane Austin?”

Im 28 years old,still pretty young but not too young to have not experinced some fun regarding sexual acts and play. I am miss reeves and i will be here to discuss many topics from erotic to how to cook a perfect sunday lunch, we shall make friends you and I, your opinion will be very important to me to make the blogs more fun and fab.

Dominant sex/BDSM

The real 50 shades of grey, what do men really think???

How do you please your dominant? What is a submissive and dominant relationship about? I will discuss and research many topics for you including best sex and how to improve quality of sex with a partner, but to start off this blog lets find out about the above questions. Good questions……..to start with I will introduce you to what the sub/dom relationship is about.

To be a submissive you have to get off on being empowered, excersised and expolited. Anything you do is for your master/mistress even if pain is the force being enflicted upon you, your pain is the doms pleasure, and the dom has to gain all pleasure before the sub can receive theirs. So if the sub is a good little slave, they can orgasm eventually.Being submissive can be like being a human doormat and like your a little puppet on a sexy string. Dominants always come first. Its a true case of having something happen to you what you may not really enjoy or like but you do it knowing that something better will happen if you play along. Naughty for your nice!!! I liked to be called domina, it sounds hot and is off the tv show spartacus ha! Domina meaning incharge.

Id say being a submisive is a great responsiblity because its really up to that person whats going to happen, if they cant do as ordered and told then they simply may be denied any sex, so its easier to just obey your mistress……like a good boy!!! (or girl lets be real here any sex can be the dominant) Have you ever been denied a orgasm, its horrible, your body is crying out for a massive realise and then the dominant walks away and leaves you tied up so you cant even finish the job yourself. Trust me its easier to be spanked and whipped, which in turn is awesome fun. Many people will have opinions about this type of sex,s&m and bondage its not every readers cup of tea. It may appear silly or scary,but let me tell you guys if you find a partner who is not going to run away kicking and screaming, you will have some real bedroom fun. There are many online shops which offer so many toys and clothing to aid all this kind of sex. Gimp masks for example,odd or not??? Have you any opinions? Personally a mask to me is sexy, its freaky and strange but makes me want to try. Some people obviously would run a mile, what would you do?

Now bondage has hit the shelves big time after the book release of fifty shades, i think a bondage kit for begginers is a great idea before diving into the scary stuff like cages and chains. Ive enjoyed many a times being strung up and absolutley whipped to the point my bare naked body is red raw!!!!! why did i let some man laugh at me and grab my hair, because I knew if this 10 mins of torture made him happy, soon I woud come. I would be called a good sub and awarded praise in the style of sexual favors. And sometimes the whip of the leather or the feel of a gag being forced into your mouth is enough to make you excited in your pants anyway, by the end of it your begging him for the whip because you know what happens after the whip. I have been tied up in a japense style rope situation and restricted where i cant move, hands tied behind back, legs restrained, rope around my breasts and then gagged and blindfolded. Trust me, I was soooo nervous. I couldnt see where he was, he was silent, the anticipation was killing me. I didnt know what was going to happen or when. Name calling is a massive turn on during these kind of games, suddenly i felt his penis pushing into my back and he started choking me and whispered in my ears,

“im going to fuck your pussy from behind, dont squeal dont fucking squirm, infact just shut the fuck up little girl and then youll be set free. Ruin it and see that dildo over there…..” he lifted up the blindfold briefly. Basically if i ruined his time with my vulnerable little pussy he would stick that either down my throat and choke me to the point i wanted to vomit, or stick it into my bottom and watch me cry out with pain before pleasure.

I looked over and saw a very large big dildo, the size of it was worringly massive.

“I SAID CAN YOU FUCKING SEE IT?”

“Hmmmm yes.” I kinda grunted

“yes what?”

“yes master.”

Ive done the dominant role and have several stories, maybe we can discuss what I got upto but It all depends on what the readers want to insist upon, i have light simple antics and extreme naughty fetish style antics which would make you blush. But a good easy way of maybe showing authority is to use a strap on dildo and face sitting is also a good one. Tie the sub up is also a simple form of torture and tell them they cant come until you say so. Then you can literally tease them to the brink of orgasm and watch as they struggle to not come everywhere, the feeling that your doing that to a person, creating that intense feeling makes you a good domina. A personal favourite is to sit on a face and hold their nose but they have to still perform oral and gasp for breath, like a fish out of water, gasping because your whole groin and butt is suffocating their face.

Has any of you lovely readers ever done CBT??? (Cock and ball torture) id be so interested to hear about the tales or should I say tails…….hmmmm. Please dont be shy now…..you only live once right.

When in a fearful situation do you become a leader or a follower?? This could answer whether youd be a good sub or dom. If you get a thrill out of taking action and control, maybe being a dom is for you. If your heart tells you to listen to the the others and follow along maybe your a good submissive. Both roles are equally as satisfying and if in a relationship perhaps you could alternate these roles.

So what do we think our boyfriends who have never experienced s&m may think about our new domina fantasy.Well some couples will have been doing it for years and he will be used to the behaviour, but to a begginer its quite overwhelming and scary, I can talk you through whats happening with me. A new partner and me have just stared the s&m game, hes never done it before, so I in this case am the dom and hes the sub, until or if he wants to swap. Men LOVE the idea of being bossed about its like a woman who knows whats she is doing is a massive turn on, I dont think people want to admit they like to be vulnerable in the bedroom, but trust me, men seem to love it. Unless the male is the dom, i like to call the male dom ‘daddy’ its just hot and sexy, there is something great and pleasing about being daddys little girl who has pigtails and and gets her hair pulled in the act of oral sex…….can daddys girl swallow????

Does he want to be dominated? Chances are he does but wont speak up about feelings, its important to communicate about whats funand new in the bedroom, dont let your sex life mush awayto nothing from fear, fear of what might blow your mind from vanilla sex. Men are so used to be alpha males in all situations, its normal, so to have this seduction occur by a sexy strong powerful female changes dynamics. Dont be shy to express fantasy,this has to be somebody you love or are comfortable with,somebody who you knowwants the same style love making. Although done into extreme sexual content i wouldnt call it love making at all, its rude and horny fuck fest of fun.

Sex doesnt have to be scary even if your new to the bondage world, take it slow, dont rush, find a perfect match who wants to try it too, get a starter kit, you may of heard of a safeword, choose one. Always use it if your body cannot take anymore, but please dont be too rough if this is all new. I will discuss with you soon different interesting things to do in sex, watersports maybe or getting frisky outdoors.

We will talk about sex and in turn go have sex with our partners and I will promise you by the end of all our discussions we shall all have learnt a little if not alot. Ladies , i promise you to initiate sex and remember there is a physical factor and a mental factor to being a dominant.You need to assert yourself and learnwhere your inner confidience comes from, once you do it once you wont feel so doubtful, so put that red lipstick on and impress your partner to the brink of orgasm, then maybe deny him or her of course, and have them beg,beg you to let them come. You have to sound a bit mean a bit aggresive but you dont have to do anything you arent relaxed with. Get your verbal tongue working and watch what it does to the submissive it will drive them wild, anting to please you. Mentally be aware ofw hat your doing and saying,maybe choose some good commands and know what you want to happen that occasion.

Some tips before I go

1. Dress sexy, it doesnt have to be leather but dress so you feel awesome.Its like supermans cape you will automatically just feel powerful.

2. Text the submissive throughout the day to start the game off even if they are working. Say you cant wait for them to come and kiss you or nibble you, send eroitc images.

3. Get into boss mode, have ideas of verbal commands. Think before the sex occurs.

4. He has to worship every inch of you

5. Start with tying him/her up and make that person frustrated. Teasing each other is the best foreplay.

6. NO MASTURBATION it enhances this occasion making both orgasms better

7. Its only fun if your both happy

Questions welcomed …………………………………………………………

Miss Reeves

As we get older and our age heads north, other things head south. Bums get bigger and flabbier, our muffin top tends to start spilling over our jeans and, a real problem for women, boobs begin to sag. No matter where you end up in the cleavage spectrum, be it the slender bee-stings of a Kiera Knightley or the voluptuous, round mammaries of a Kim Kardashian, in the end only cosmetic surgery or the world’s best Wonderbra can stop the slide.

Or is that the case? If you can afford it, silicone supplements to boost your bust can be an answer but if not, there are more fun, and possibly a bit extreme (if less effective) ways for ladies out there to ensure nipples are staring in front rather than at the floor.

1. Tie balloons to your boobs

Balloons on your balloons? It sounds weird but still possible; a simple ‘string on the nipple’ method with a balloon on each end. Upsides are that this method will certainly keep you perky. but downsides include having two balloons sticking out from your shirt looks ridiculous and if you use helium balloons, there’s the possibility you could end up with a charge of public indecency (not to mention rope burns on your areolas).

2. Boob push ups

A while back a woman became an internet sensation when she made her boobs dance, so why not have them perform push ups? Sure it might take a lot of squeezing and flexing but if achieved, it could start a new exercise sensation.

3. Hire a man (or woman)!

This is a more effective and intimate solution, but still an idea. Hiring someone might seem like a possibility open to those who are well-to-do and can afford to have a servant for such a menial task, but in reality it’s a job which, if available, would certainly do something to reduce the unemployment rate, particularly among the male and lesbian population!

4. A boob shelf

A simple bit of carpentry might be the answer to the prayers of the boobylicious. A 2×4 hung around the neck by a string makes for a good sagging deterrent and, if necessary, somewhere to hang your cereal when eating breakfast! Beware of splinters!

5. Insomnia

Certainly an extreme idea, but since boobs flop around when women sleep, no position is a plus when trying to stop this. Plus it’s a good way of stopping them from falling into your armpits when sleeping on your back.

6. Wear a bra – always

Yes, the thing which is supposed to keep your breasts in place is probably the best idea, only all the time. It’s widely known among women that their best feeling of the day is when they can finally unhook their ‘over shoulder boulder holder’ and let the ‘girls’ roam free, but doing so contributes to sagging. Find a comfortable bra and keeping it on is a plus.

7. Avoid bouncy exercise.

Keeping fit is a must for most people today, but if you have boobs it just might be dangerous. All that bouncing up and down while performing activities like running, getting on a trampoline, or jumping in any way not only might damage a few ligaments, it might also cause damage in other places. Injuries include (if you’re particularly stacked) black eyes, nipple chafing and bruising passers-by if they get too close!

8. Keep your hands above your head at all times

Certainly this idea will make your cleavage and boobs look a lot perkier, especially in a low cut top, and give your arms a much needed workout. A good deodorant is a must when trying out this method!

9. Massage your boobs with a feather

Our last method is probably our most bonkers. Indeed there’s no scientific proof that this will actually make your boobs perkier, but some sites say that they will get bigger. They’ll certainly be more ticklish, which is why it should probably be confined to the bedroom with your partner

Staring down at a hard penis, knowing that in the next few seconds that thing will be in your mouth, can be intimidating. Like, every single time, not just the first time you give a blow job. But don’t worry, it gets better, and like all things in life, experience is so valuable when it comes to Ds in mouths. Also, if it doesn’t get better, just don’t give blow jobs. Men will live.

To help ease your pre-BJ woes, here are 16 things grown women wish they’d known before giving their first blow jobs.

1. A penis doesn’t have eyeballs and can’t tell the difference between the back of a throat and the roof of a mouth. All those slimy surfaces on the inside of your mouth basically just all feel the same. Except your teeth, obviously. I don’t have a penis so I don’t personally get the appeal of “deep-throating,” but (gently) ramming the tip of his dick into the roof of your mouth feels like the same thing and it doesn’t make you gag.

2. A penis isn’t a vagina or a Slip’N Slide and doesn’t just get wet on its own. I mean there’s pre-cum, but that’s like a light rain shower when a proper BJ usually requires a torrential downpour. Either get some lube that doesn’t taste like a takeout bag, or drink some water and be prepared to use all the spit you can muster. It’s not gross. This is someone you make out with (probably).

3. You do not have to bow down before his erect penis like it’s a rising sun god. In movies and TV shows and whatever else, the only BJ position ever depicted is a woman on her knees, bobbing her head back and forth while a man stands up like a statuesque Greek god. This is so rare IRL! You don’t have to invest in knee pads, like Stephanie from seventh grade said you would! Stephanie lied to you. Just get on the bed and do it lying down. It’s COMFIER.

4. You don’t have to swallow and then giggle and say, “OMG, it’s so fun to swallow your hot steamy cum, I really love it a lot!” Also, you just don’t have to swallow at all. The man whose dick you’re sucking is not going to scream and holler at you if you demurely dispose of his cum into a napkin or cup or something. He might get a little upset if you spit it directly onto his face, but that’s really just between the two of you.

5. Your hands can pinch hit when your mouth needs some time on the bench. The average penis is 5.17 inches (when hard). I haven’t measured the inside of my mouth, but I am pretty damn sure there aren’t 5.17 inches of space between my lips and the back of my throat. And no way do I recommend going for broke and shoving a penis down your esophagus. Let your hands help. Put the tip in your mouth and your hands around the base, and voilà. This is within the acceptable rules of play.

6. You’re not going to accidentally bite down on his penis with your teeth and sever it and leave him sterile for the rest of his life. There are an inordinate number of horror stories about women who accidentally use their teeth during a BJ and, like, skin the guy’s dick with their razor molars or something. Teeth should not be the big concern. I feel like they kind of just disappear when this whole act starts, IDK.

7. Sometimes a penis doesn’t smell good and that’s because some men are disgusting. This is a 100 percent deal breaker, I can’t, no, can’t. I don’t think anyone expects a hard penis to smell like Chanel perfume or strawberry Lipsmackers or whatever (although OMG, they should) but some guys are less clean than others. Also. People sweat more in the summertime. Consider this. The crotch area is not free of sweat glands. Personally, I don’t think it’s rude to kindly suggest a sexy shower together beforehand.

8. Penises that look small and non-menacing sometimes feel like novelty-sized pool noodles when they are inside of your mouth. Oh, it looked like a pinky finger from afar, but now that it’s in your mouth, it’s like one of those little toys that grows when you put it in water. What’s happening in there? Who knows. Maybe we’re all overestimating the size of our mouth holes.

9. You can use your tongue to trick him into thinking he’s all the way in your mouth. Like ~magic~ if magic were perverted and used only to trick men into thinking you give the best blow jobs in the world. You don’t have to just tuck your tongue away and hide it while this event is taking place. You can use it (like the roof of your mouth thing) to trick him into thinking he’s basically pumping away into your stomach. Just either tuck his penis underneath your tongue, or use your tongue to block the back of your throat (this also protects your delicate gag reflexes just in case).

10. A blow job isn’t like a magic button that makes him come right now immediately. Although men do seem to love them, it’s not something that begins and ends in a matter of seconds (usually). These things can be a lot of work, especially if you’re down there for, like, 10 minutes. You can quit literally whenever you want though — never feel like you’re dropping out of a race early.

11. A BJ can be foreplay for men and doesn’t have to be the Big Main Event of the evening. Yeah, not all BJs have to end in a spout of geyser-esque ejaculate shooting forth into the air. You can just do this for, like, a little bit until he gets all riled up, and then move on to other sex things.

12. This is one thing that porn can actually teach you a lot about, like the graphic sex ed you never had in school. Sex ed should definitely be better in this country but I really doubt we’ll ever have gym coaches teaching good blow job decorum in front of a bunch of confused teenagers. And that’s probably for the best? Anyway. People don’t fuck IRL like they do in porn, but sometimes those close-up shots of someone ferociously sucking a D can serve as good little tutorials on how to move your head. Just don’t attempt deep-throating if you’re not very experienced.

13. Literally no one can deep-throat without gagging. I vaguely remember some girl in, like, ninth grade telling me that all grown women literally swallow lidocaine or the stuff in those Orajel swabs before giving a blow job so they don’t gag on a dick. Don’t do this! Don’t drink lidocaine! No! The solution here is to just not deep-throat a penis. Gag reflexes exist for a reason. And you definitely don’t want to throw up on someone you ostensibly like.

14. You do not have to give a BJ just to get a BJ of your own. If a guy refuses to go down on you because you don’t like giving BJs, or he has a disgusting smelly penis that you don’t want in your mouth, or just for literally any other reason, he sucks (except lol he doesn’t suck hahaha get it?).

15. 69ing is terrible and overrated and bad, and let’s just ban it already. OK, maybe you like it but IMO, it is terrible and dumb. The whole point of oral sex is that you can just lie there and do nothing while someone else gives you extreme pleasure. 69ing is like if, while getting a professional massage, you had to also file your taxes at the same time. Doesn’t that sound like a nightmare to you? Because it is. It would be a nightmare.

16. It doesn’t make you a slut to enjoy giving BJs and it doesn’t make you a prude to hate giving BJs. This one sex act is way overblown (LOL, sorry, I’m sorry) but really it’s just one thing on an endless menu of sex things you can do to a person. No one decent will cut things off with you if you don’t like giving BJs, and I swear if anyone ever slut-shames you for liking BJs, direct them to me immediately because there’s a conversation we need to have. You like what you like and hate what you hate, and it’s all fine and good.

Female Harry Potter fans, have you ever wanted to cast a spell over your other half in the bedroom? Whether it’s for the bedroom or just for fun, becoming the sexiest member of house Gryffindor is now a reality thanks to the latest in new range of underwear that’s fun to wear. Who needs Hermione Grainger and Ginny Weasley when you can make your own magic thanks to this raunchy bedroom costume?

Launched by Yandy.com, the Harry Potter ‘Magic Student Fantasy Lingerie Set’ looks set to be a hit among fans of the franchise. The set compromises of a sheer grey lace crop top with a white collar, a sheer, burgundy high-waisted panty with a grey lace trim, a cheeky cut back, removable burgundy and gold suspenders, and a matching striped tie (glasses not included). As of now, the set is only available in the Gryffindor colours of Harry’s house and there are no plans as yet to include Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Slytherin, indicating that romance between houses is prohibited. However, if you’re a fan of wholesome Cho Chang or Bellatrix Lestrange, we won’t tell.

The Potter set is part of a fantasy section in the classy lingerie site which includes sexy superheroes and red hot princesses and is available for pre-order now. Fittingly the set was launched on July 31^st, Harry’s birthday.

The set is hoping to prove hugely popular with fans and non-fans of the franchise, flying out the door faster than the speediest of Quidditch players. It is advised to get your order in quick so you can say ‘Expelliarmus’ to your lover’s clothes and ensure the night ends with ‘Mischief Managed!’