“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” –Jack Kornfield

Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to and then let it go. That’s how everything changes. You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels almost impossible. Deciding to hold on to the past will hold you back from creating a strong sense of self — a self that isn’t defined by your past, but rather by who you want to be. Oddly enough, painful feelings can be comfortable, especially if they’re all you know. Some people have trouble letting go of their pain or other unpleasant emotions about their past, because they think those feelings are part of their identity. In some ways, they may not know who they are without their pain. This makes it impossible for them to let go.

If you find it hard to let go of the past, a bad relationship, grudges, etc., these 12 tips could help:

1. Understand that the relationships you thought you’d have are going to be different than the ones you actually have.

We must accept the person we are in this moment, and the way other people are, too. As time goes on, we continue to learn that things don’t always go as planned — actually, they pretty much never do. And that’s okay: If you become aware of yourself and your part of your relationships, they will improve; however, you may also have to accept facts about certain people in your life. Practice gratitude, appreciation, and trust in the process.

2. Don’t be invested in the outcome when it comes to dealing with people, because it often leads to disappointment.

Expectations have a way of keeping us stuck, because they lead us to fear certain outcomes. There are no guarantees in life, and there’s nothing we can really do to get the outcomes we desire when dealing with others. When our expectations or needs aren’t met, we need to respond rationally and appropriately. Sometimes this means setting respectful boundaries; other times, it means letting go.

3. Don’t live in chains when you have the key. We live with self-limiting beliefs that we let define who we are.

We think, “I could never do that!” or “I could never make that happen!” If you truly believe that, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Open up your mind, and believe in yourself. There will be many people who tell you that you can’t do it. It’s up to you to prove them wrong.

4. Let go of the idea that you can control others’ actions. We really only have control over ourselves and how we act.

You can’t change another person, so don’t waste your time and energy trying. I think this is the biggest factor that pushes people to hold onto unhelpful behaviors, like the need to please. We think, “If only I do everything for everyone, they’ll never get mad at me.” Wrong!

5. Only worry about what you think of yourself.

Free yourself from being controlled by what other people think. Start to prioritize how you feel about yourself. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” You can’t live by your values if you’re living for the approval of others.

6. Leave room for mistakes.

Did you make a mistake or say something stupid? It’s okay! Use the experience to learn and make a joke. It doesn’t make you stupid to say something wrong or silly: it makes you human, and sometimes even funny.

7. Accept the things you cannot change.

Stop wishing things could be the way they once were. Bring yourself into the present moment. This is where life happens. You can’t change the past; you can only make decisions today to help how your future turns out.
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8. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

This will allow you to relax and enjoy life’s journey. I laugh with myself and at myself all the time.

9. Do what scares you.

Fear holds us back from doing a lot of things, because it closes our minds to possibilities for our future and locks us into our comfort zone. Most fears fill us with doubt and “what ifs” that imprison us. The more you do to get out of your comfort zone, the more fear will subside. In life, do what scares you, and you’ll grow and succeed!

10. Express what works for you.

Find your voice, and share with others what you’re thinking and feeling in a rational way. If you continue to communicate with others what works for you and doesn’t work for you, you’ll no longer bottle up your emotions. Expressing yourself is an important part of feeling good about yourself and your relationships.

11. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions.

Whether you lost a loved one through death or a break-up, honor your loss. Trying to ignore your negative emotions will extend your suffering. Loss is difficult to experience, and it’s okay to allow yourself to hurt and be sad. Let yourself feel, and go through the grief process so that you can move forward.
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12. Learn forgiveness.

Resentment and unwillingness to forgive will keep you locked in the past and prevent you from moving forward with your life. Remember: When you forgive, you aren’t doing it for the other person; you’re doing it for yourself. If for no other reason than that, forgive and let go.

Carl Jung said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” There’s a lesson in that for all of us: Try to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back from experiencing yourself. You’ll probably realize that you are not what other people say you are. You are not your pain, your past, or your emotions. It’s the negative ideas about ourselves and our hurtful self-talk that get in the way of who we really want to be. Being able to let go requires a strong sense of self, which gives you the ability to learn and grow from your experiences.”

psychologytoday.com

I’m not skinny, but I used to be very skinny. When I quit smoking I gained about fifty pounds. At first, I was pretty horrified about it. My boyfriend at the time told me he preferred it when I was skinny, but after the relationship ended and I learned to love my smokeless, overweight body, I had a few different ideas about it.

The thing that changed my mind about missing the skinny me was all the men that were hitting on me. I was getting flirted with left and right! It was nice. I was a little shocked about it, but I finally got a man to fess up and tell me why he liked my curves. Why do men like curvy women you ask? Here’s what I’ve learnt.

1. Bigger boobs

There are many men who are “boob” men and curvy women have bigger boobs. It’s that simple. They don’t mind the few extra inches around the middle as long as they get to play with the goods. Make note here, ladies, use those boobs to your advantage!

2. More booty

In the history of rock and roll, there has never been a song about a flat butt. Ever. My butt was pretty cute when I was thin, but it really grew and rounded out when I put on a few pounds. I thought for sure it was going to make men move along to the next girl, but I was wrong. In fact, I got more compliments on my bigger butt than I did on my tiny perky butt. Although I miss my perky little rear, I do like the compliments.

3. They’re softer

Curvy women are softer and men like to be the strong, hard ones in a relationship. It’s more satisfying for a guy to curl up and snuggle someone soft and round, than it is to snuggle up to bones and sharp elbows, so I’ve been told.

4. No bruised thighs

I prefer men with weight for one main reason: I hate having bruised thighs after sleeping with a man. A skinny guy leaves my sensitive body bruised and sore, but a softer body isn’t as hard on my thighs. I’ve been told that sentiment works both ways.

5. They eat

Men do not want to be the only ones eating when they go out, it’s weird for them. If you’re sitting there nibbling a salad and you finish an hour before he’s done with his steak and potatoes, he gets pretty nervous about it. Men like curvy women because they eat with them and it’s always more comfortable to eat with someone than to have someone sit and watch you eat.

6. They look younger

Men also like curvy women because, generally, they look younger. It’s true, that extra fat smooth’s out those wrinkles, ladies! I got told the other day I looked twenty five. I’m thirty seven. My round cheeks play a big role in looking younger.

7. It’s a sign of fertility

Another one of the main reasons men like curvy women is actually biological and subconscious. Men associate wide hips and large breasts with fertility, they always have. A woman with curves was said to be good for child bearing and men associate curves with that notion. Even if they aren’t ready to have children, the fact that you look fertile makes them want to mate with you.

8. They’re not afraid to get a little rough

I had a guy tell me once that he was afraid of hurting me. He would rather put me on a shelf like a little china doll and not touch me. That was when I was skinny. I’ve never had that problem with my curves, in fact, most of my boyfriends haven’t been afraid to ask for something a little harder or kinkier in the bedroom. I guess they think a curvy girl can handle it.

9. It’s classic beauty

All of the old, classic statues and paintings had women with curves. From ancient Greece to the Renaissance, women who had large, cellulite thighs and chubby arms were considered beautiful. There are a few reasons for this. Aside from the “fertility” idea (which we’ve already discussed), women who are curvy are known to be well fed.

Food is a sign of health. Food is also a sign of wealth (being able to buy food and all). It has been proven that during times of economic depression or repression more men preferred curvy women, because in their mind, they associate it with health and wealth.

10. It’s less “boyish” and less “child-like”

I have known men to be genuinely turned off by skinny women because it is a sign of immaturity to them. Many men associate curves with the “mother” figure and a more mature woman, so dating a skinny woman doesn’t appeal to them. Also, some guys feel like dating a skinny woman is too much like dating another guy, they don’t like the way it feels.

While there are some men who do prefer thin women (I’ve been turned down by a few, believe me), there are still many men who prefer women with curves and extra weight. Italian men and Greek men are excellent examples of guys who like they’re women a little on the rounder side. I’ve met guys who like their women a LOT on the rounder side!

The point is, no matter what your weight is, there is always someone out there who finds it attractive. Honestly.

So, instead of worrying about needing to lose weight (or worrying about needing to gain weight), appreciate your body as it is.

If you’re a woman with a few extra pounds, don’t hide your figure, go out and flaunt it! Don’t you want to show off those curves?

Staring down at a hard penis, knowing that in the next few seconds that thing will be in your mouth, can be intimidating. Like, every single time, not just the first time you give a blow job. But don’t worry, it gets better, and like all things in life, experience is so valuable when it comes to Ds in mouths. Also, if it doesn’t get better, just don’t give blow jobs. Men will live.

To help ease your pre-BJ woes, here are 16 things grown women wish they’d known before giving their first blow jobs.

1. A penis doesn’t have eyeballs and can’t tell the difference between the back of a throat and the roof of a mouth. All those slimy surfaces on the inside of your mouth basically just all feel the same. Except your teeth, obviously. I don’t have a penis so I don’t personally get the appeal of “deep-throating,” but (gently) ramming the tip of his dick into the roof of your mouth feels like the same thing and it doesn’t make you gag.

2. A penis isn’t a vagina or a Slip’N Slide and doesn’t just get wet on its own. I mean there’s pre-cum, but that’s like a light rain shower when a proper BJ usually requires a torrential downpour. Either get some lube that doesn’t taste like a takeout bag, or drink some water and be prepared to use all the spit you can muster. It’s not gross. This is someone you make out with (probably).

3. You do not have to bow down before his erect penis like it’s a rising sun god. In movies and TV shows and whatever else, the only BJ position ever depicted is a woman on her knees, bobbing her head back and forth while a man stands up like a statuesque Greek god. This is so rare IRL! You don’t have to invest in knee pads, like Stephanie from seventh grade said you would! Stephanie lied to you. Just get on the bed and do it lying down. It’s COMFIER.

4. You don’t have to swallow and then giggle and say, “OMG, it’s so fun to swallow your hot steamy cum, I really love it a lot!” Also, you just don’t have to swallow at all. The man whose dick you’re sucking is not going to scream and holler at you if you demurely dispose of his cum into a napkin or cup or something. He might get a little upset if you spit it directly onto his face, but that’s really just between the two of you.

5. Your hands can pinch hit when your mouth needs some time on the bench. The average penis is 5.17 inches (when hard). I haven’t measured the inside of my mouth, but I am pretty damn sure there aren’t 5.17 inches of space between my lips and the back of my throat. And no way do I recommend going for broke and shoving a penis down your esophagus. Let your hands help. Put the tip in your mouth and your hands around the base, and voilà. This is within the acceptable rules of play.

6. You’re not going to accidentally bite down on his penis with your teeth and sever it and leave him sterile for the rest of his life. There are an inordinate number of horror stories about women who accidentally use their teeth during a BJ and, like, skin the guy’s dick with their razor molars or something. Teeth should not be the big concern. I feel like they kind of just disappear when this whole act starts, IDK.

7. Sometimes a penis doesn’t smell good and that’s because some men are disgusting. This is a 100 percent deal breaker, I can’t, no, can’t. I don’t think anyone expects a hard penis to smell like Chanel perfume or strawberry Lipsmackers or whatever (although OMG, they should) but some guys are less clean than others. Also. People sweat more in the summertime. Consider this. The crotch area is not free of sweat glands. Personally, I don’t think it’s rude to kindly suggest a sexy shower together beforehand.

8. Penises that look small and non-menacing sometimes feel like novelty-sized pool noodles when they are inside of your mouth. Oh, it looked like a pinky finger from afar, but now that it’s in your mouth, it’s like one of those little toys that grows when you put it in water. What’s happening in there? Who knows. Maybe we’re all overestimating the size of our mouth holes.

9. You can use your tongue to trick him into thinking he’s all the way in your mouth. Like ~magic~ if magic were perverted and used only to trick men into thinking you give the best blow jobs in the world. You don’t have to just tuck your tongue away and hide it while this event is taking place. You can use it (like the roof of your mouth thing) to trick him into thinking he’s basically pumping away into your stomach. Just either tuck his penis underneath your tongue, or use your tongue to block the back of your throat (this also protects your delicate gag reflexes just in case).

10. A blow job isn’t like a magic button that makes him come right now immediately. Although men do seem to love them, it’s not something that begins and ends in a matter of seconds (usually). These things can be a lot of work, especially if you’re down there for, like, 10 minutes. You can quit literally whenever you want though — never feel like you’re dropping out of a race early.

11. A BJ can be foreplay for men and doesn’t have to be the Big Main Event of the evening. Yeah, not all BJs have to end in a spout of geyser-esque ejaculate shooting forth into the air. You can just do this for, like, a little bit until he gets all riled up, and then move on to other sex things.

12. This is one thing that porn can actually teach you a lot about, like the graphic sex ed you never had in school. Sex ed should definitely be better in this country but I really doubt we’ll ever have gym coaches teaching good blow job decorum in front of a bunch of confused teenagers. And that’s probably for the best? Anyway. People don’t fuck IRL like they do in porn, but sometimes those close-up shots of someone ferociously sucking a D can serve as good little tutorials on how to move your head. Just don’t attempt deep-throating if you’re not very experienced.

13. Literally no one can deep-throat without gagging. I vaguely remember some girl in, like, ninth grade telling me that all grown women literally swallow lidocaine or the stuff in those Orajel swabs before giving a blow job so they don’t gag on a dick. Don’t do this! Don’t drink lidocaine! No! The solution here is to just not deep-throat a penis. Gag reflexes exist for a reason. And you definitely don’t want to throw up on someone you ostensibly like.

14. You do not have to give a BJ just to get a BJ of your own. If a guy refuses to go down on you because you don’t like giving BJs, or he has a disgusting smelly penis that you don’t want in your mouth, or just for literally any other reason, he sucks (except lol he doesn’t suck hahaha get it?).

15. 69ing is terrible and overrated and bad, and let’s just ban it already. OK, maybe you like it but IMO, it is terrible and dumb. The whole point of oral sex is that you can just lie there and do nothing while someone else gives you extreme pleasure. 69ing is like if, while getting a professional massage, you had to also file your taxes at the same time. Doesn’t that sound like a nightmare to you? Because it is. It would be a nightmare.

16. It doesn’t make you a slut to enjoy giving BJs and it doesn’t make you a prude to hate giving BJs. This one sex act is way overblown (LOL, sorry, I’m sorry) but really it’s just one thing on an endless menu of sex things you can do to a person. No one decent will cut things off with you if you don’t like giving BJs, and I swear if anyone ever slut-shames you for liking BJs, direct them to me immediately because there’s a conversation we need to have. You like what you like and hate what you hate, and it’s all fine and good.

Valentine’s Day has only just gone. The one day of the year when schmaltzy dedications of love are not only not frowned upon but actively encouraged. Not everyone is lucky in love though and, in the eternal quest to find Mr or Miss Right hides a sinister online world where the vulnerable and lovelorn can get very easily burned.

There was a time, long in the past, where the local singletons would go down to the disco or local dance in order to find that special someone; those days are definitely gone. The most popular way these days to find love is online, which has seen a surge with applications such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish, now offering instant, on-the-move match-making. Online provides a way for those unable to cultivate a social life, for work or personal reasons, to find instant gratification, although it does have its pitfalls.

The main problem with online is simple; you just never know to whom you’re talking. Of course, the picture may say that you’re talking to a Kelly Brook lookalike or someone who makes Jamie Dornan look like a minger, but if you’ve not actually seen the person in the flesh it’s difficult to tell. Here’s a quick guide on the how dating scammers work and how to stay safe.

1. Dating scammers are devious. Their usual modus operandi starts off with the profile. The pictures are more often than not plucked off some website which features the most beautiful people. Sometimes they’ll even take pictures of actual celebrities and pass it off as themselves, relying on their intended target to not be media savvy and recognise their picture as a complete fake (this might sound stupid but there are people out there just that naïve unfortunately). A great site is tineye.com where, if you save the persons picture, you can them upload it to see if it’s anywhere else online.

2. They’ll tailor their ‘interests’ to suit the target. These people know that they want to target the bored, lonely and easily fooled who may not get out much, so they’ll use interests which could be considered the type of things that lonely single people may do i.e. watch TV, read. In other words, interests for one.

3. They’ll start showering you with charming words and compliments, sometimes within days of their first message, using ‘baby’ and ‘darling’ and wanting to stray away from the dating site and talk in a more ‘personal’ setting i.e. Whatsapp or giving you a phone number to call, and even laughing at your jokes (when in fact they’re really laughing at you). A simple trick is finding out early if you’re being conned is, if they claim to be from an English-speaking country yet use strangely-broken English in their typed conversations, then it’s safe to assume you’re being had. If you suspect this, ask for a voicemail and if they refuse – delete their profile and number.

4. After a while of talking, it’s time for them to drop the boom. You’ll get frantic email/text/call claiming that your beloved is in financial trouble, getting hassled by an ex or family member, or is having a legal issue and needs money to help them out. They may even ask for you to give your bank details. Needless to say, get rid of the rose-tinted glasses and get rid of the number. They may became more insistent should you initially refuse, using phrases like ‘I thought you loved me’ or ‘I thought we were friends’ to elicit a guilt. Don’t give into it!

It goes without saying that some online romances are actually genuine, I know of one couple who met online and are happily married these past five years, but being aware of the pitfalls never does any harm because not everyone is just that nice. so, if you’re a sexy singleton this Valentine’s Day don’t be put off going out; put down the tub of Haagen –Dazs, turn off Bridget Jones’ Diary or the football. Get on the glad-rags to find the love of your life – preferably

The Queen has attended a special service at Leicester Cathedral in celebration of Maundy Thursday. Her Majesty, accompanied by Prince Philip, observed the historical tradition of handing out Maundy Money to a group of 91 men and 91 women for the local community. But what is the tradition of Maundy Thursday, and why do people receive special coins? Maundy Thursday always takes place on the Thursday before Easter Sunday – the day on which Christians celebrate Jesus’ Last Supper. The Queen marks it by giving out special silver coins, known as ‘Maundy Money’ to local pensioners.

The number of recipients reflects the monarch’s age, and she travels to a different cathedral of abbey nearly every year to distribute the coins. The people who are chosen to receive the money have been recommended by clergy or ministers in recognition for the services to the church or local community. Each recipient receives two purses – one red, and one white. This year, the red purse contained a £5 coin, commemorating the Centenary of the House of Windsor, and a 50p coin commemorating Sir Isaac Newton. The white purse held uniquely minted money in one, two, three and four penny pieces, which equals 91 pence. While the money is legal tender, recipients usually prefer to hold on to the coins as a souvenir.

According to the Royal Mint, the custom of members of the royal family taking part in Maundy services dates back as early as the 13th century, when they gave out gifts and money, and even took part in foot-washing ceremonies to symbolise Jesus’ display of humility when he washed the feet of his disciples.

“Henry IV began the practice of relating the number of recipients of gifts to the sovereign’s age, and as it became the custom of the sovereign to perform the ceremony, the event became known as the Royal Maundy,” the website explains. “In the eighteenth century the act of washing the feet of the poor was discontinued and in the nineteenth century money allowances were substituted for the various gifts of food and clothing.”

“Maundy Money as such started in the reign of Charles II with an undated issue of hammered coins in 1662. The coins were a four penny, three penny, two penny and one penny piece but it was not until 1670 that a dated set of all four coins appeared. Prior to this, ordinary coinage was used for Maundy gifts, silver pennies alone being used by the Tudors and Stuarts for the ceremony.”

Hello Magazine

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds have recently highlighted the importance of taking baby and toddler CPR lessons on their respective Instagram accounts by revealing that they had both recently taken a course, and urging fellow parents to get involved.

Blake, 29, wrote alongside a picture with showed her with several training dummies: “ALL MAMAS AND DADDIES OUT THERE– I can’t recommend this enough, I took a CPR class with with a focus on babies and toddlers. Google “infant CPR class near me” and you’ll see lots of listings. For those of you who haven’t done it, you will love it. It’s so helpful by giving you knowledge, tools, and some peace of mind.”

The couple, who are parents to two daughters, know the importance of first aid – Ryan, 40, revealed in his post that he had helped save his nephew’s life thanks to a past CPR lesson, but was taking a refresher course focused on infant and toddler CPR, to further enhance his knowledge and skills.

With research showing that 74% of parents say the first aid emergency they fear the most is finding their baby unresponsive, St John Ambulance has issued first aid advice on what to do if a baby or child is unresponsive and not breathing.

How to do Baby CPR (under the age of one)

If your baby is not responding to you and they are not breathing, follow these steps to perform CPR:

1. Call 999/112 for emergency help: If you are on your own, give 1 minute of CPR before calling on a speaker phone.
2. Give 5 initial puffs over the mouth and nose.
3. Give 30 chest pumps using two fingers at a rate of 100-120 pumps per minute.
4. Repeat: give 2 puffs followed by 30 pumps. (30:2)